


Support Group for the Romantically Challenged

by coatlicue



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Bisexual Veronica Lodge, Chat!fic, F/F, F/M, Hints of past Beronica, M/M, Multi, bughead - Freeform, but unrequited - Freeform, cheronica
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2018-12-04 12:26:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11555193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coatlicue/pseuds/coatlicue
Summary: After Veronica leaves Cheryl's, she has a bit of a dilemma. She texts her crew to help her out. They kind of do that.Or, the shameless Cheronica fic that turned into a group hijinks chat fic that I'm not sorry for writing.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is supposed to take place during heart of darkness but I move around the timeline because following the plot is for writers who care

**veronica.lodge has added bettyboop, shithead, archiekins and kevin.killer to "OH MY GOD YOU GUYS"**

**veronica.lodge:** GUYS

 **veronica.lodge:** oh my god guys answer seirously

 **veronica.lodge:** when jughead makes a gc to send a picture of a dog you guys answer in .2 seconds but when your friend is in CRISIS you take hourrrsss?

 **shithead:** Veronica, it's been 2 minutes.

 **shithead:** also, *seriously

 **veronica.lodge:** living up to the username, i see

 **bettyboop:** Sorry, Ronnie. I was finishing up some work for the Blue & Gold. What's up?

 **kevin.killer:** i was texting moose but i guess if this is a legitimate emergency then ill stick around here

 **veronica.lodge:** it is an ABSOLUTE emergency. where the hell is archibald???

 **archiekins:** hey hey, i'm like five minutes late no need to bust out the birthname

 **veronica.lodge:** okay, so now that we're all here.

 **veronica.lodge:** okay well last night i slept over at cheryl's right? cause of the memorial and everything?

 **kevin.killer:** yes, although i stand by the opinion that that was a terrible idea. she's satan.

 **bettyboop:** Kev, be nice.

 **veronica.lodge:** okay, well, first of all her family is SERIOUSLY messed up. like, i'm starting to understand why she's such a bitch all the time. but, ANYWAY, we were talking and having a heart to heart and stuff

 **kevin.killer:** thats impossible ron, cheryl has no heart

 **veronica.lodge:** kevin if you don't shut up i s2g

 **veronica.lodge:** aaanyway, we were talking and i think we almost kissed???

 **veronica.lodge:** no, i'm sure we almost kissed. like, that was a moment.

 **archiekins:** WHAT? :0

 **shithead:** Know a Fence, Veronica, but I literally care like -100%

 **veronica.lodge:** ShTU the FCUK up HUJEAD i am freaKIGN OUT

 **bettyboop:** Jug, stop being mean.

 **bettyboop:** Well, just tell her you don't like her like that? idk...

 **archiekins:** i didnt kno cheryl was a lesbian

 **kevin.killer:** archie...

 **bettyboop:** honey...

 **shithead:** bro even i knew that one

 **veronica.lodge:** well idk if i do like her like that

 **archiekins:** ARE YOU A LESBIAN TOO?

 **archiekins:** my whole life has been a lie

 **veronica.lodge:** i'm not a lesbian

 **veronica.lodge:** i'm bisexual

 **bettyboop:** what

 **kevin.killer:** what

 **archiekins:** what

 **shithead:** Hey Macklemore can we go thrift shopping?

 **shithead:** HA sorry I had to

 **veronica.lodge** has kicked **shithead** out of the chat

 **bettyboop:** heY

 **veronica.lodge:** sorry, bets, but your boyfriend is of absolutely no help to me and frankly he's a little annoying.

 **bettyboop:** Fair enough.

 **archiekins:** not cool ron im adding him back.

 **archiekins** has added **shithead** to the chat

 **veronica.lodge:** archie you ginger judass

 **archiekins:** juggy adds comedic relief

 **kevin.killer:** UM who cares?? veornica since when are you bi???

 **bettyboop:** haha veornica

 **veronica.lodge:** since birth?

 **veronica.lodge:** seriously guys it's nbd

 **kevin.killer:** i'm offended how did i not know

 **kevin.killer:** how could you not tell us???

 **veronica.lodge:** I THOUGHT YOU ALL KNEW

 **veronica.lodge:** guys... i kissed betty within like a week of being here how did u not know

 **bettyboop:** RONNIE

 **shithead:** you did what now?

 **archiekins:** i just spit out my drink - what?

 **veronica.lodge:** oh... you didn't know?

 **shithead:** um, no

 **veronica.lodge:** OOPS, sorry bettykins

 **bettyboop:** It was for cheer tryouts cause Cheryl was being a BitchTM

 **bettyboop:** She said she needed more "sizzle"

 **archiekins:** so what u 2 just kissed

 **bettyboop:** Well, she kissed me

 **veronica.lodge:** nuh uh cooper, you don't get to play innocent, you kissed back

 **kevin.killer:** do u need some aloe vera? cuz u just got BURNED

 **veronica.lodge:** also, i kissed betty partly because of cheryl

 **veronica.lodge:** partly because she's pretty ;)

 **bettyboop:** Aw, thanks Ronnie <3

 **shithead:** i am so confused

 **veronica.lodge:** sorry, shithead, but i kissed betty cooper before you

 **veronica.lodge:** you get my SLOPPY SECONDS

 **bettyboop:** heY

 **shithead:** Why do I get the feeling you and Veronica are going to elope?

 **bettyboop:** Aw, don't worry Juggy I only have eyes for you.

 **veronica.lodge:** bOI if you donT get this HeTeroSexUal nonSenSe oUT of my GC

 **bettyboop:** Besides, Veronica is clearly head over heels for one red headed demon from hell Cheryl Blossom

 **kevin.killer:** no hetsTM in this chat

 **archiekins:** arent we supposed 2 be HELPING ronnie w cheryl

 **veronica.lodge:** thanks arch

 **veronica.lodge:** what the fuck do i do guys???

 **kevin.killer:** ask her out, i'm tired of being the only openly gay person in this podunk town

 **kevin.killer:** i've been craving lesbian energy in my life

 **veronica.lodge:** kevin you're not helping :(

 **veronica.lodge:** i'm so confused

 **veronica.lodge:** before this i thought cheryl was the antichrist and now when i think about her i get this like floaty feeling and its disgusting

 **betty.boop:** D'awww

 **veronica.lodge:** it's not cute, betts, i get butterflies. BUTTERFLIES

 **shithead:** Digest them.

 **archiekins:** idk ron u shuld be careful tho, cheryl's been nothing but a bitch to us

 **shithead:** Archie's right.

 **veronica.lodge:** jughead... does this mean... you care about my wellbeing?

 **shithead:** what NO

 **shithead:** i was just saying

 **betty.boop:** Aw Juggy

 **veronica.lodge:** love you juggy <3

 **shithead:** Don't call me that.

 **veronica.lodge:** but anyway,,, i don't know she seemed super geniune. and honestly after staying in that house with her for a night and dealing with her nightmare parents i think i would be awful too

 **veronica.lodge:** they're super abusive

 **betty.boop:** What?!?

 **veronica.lodge:** it's like a gothic horror story. all they do is belittle her

 **veronica.lodge:** alice cooper would have been quivering in their prescence

 **kevin.killer:** and the plot thickens...

 **veronica.lodge:** i'm gonna invite her for a sleepover at the pembrooke as a thank you and see where it goes from there

 **betty.boop:** Does your mom know you're bi?

 **veronica.lodge:** yes

 **archiekins:** and she lets crushes stay over?

 **veronica.lodge:** i think as long as i don't get pregnant hermione lodge is more than happy to oblige

 **veronica.lodge:** also she knows that if she said no i would just sneak them in

 **kevin.killer:** fair point

 **veronica.lodge:** ugh i just hope i don't make a fool of myself, i feel so fucking helpless around her

 **betty.boop:**...

 **shithead:** Oh no Veronica what have you done???

 **veronica.lodge:** what do you mean

 **betty.boop:** HELPLESS, LOOK INTO YOUR EYES AND THE SKY'S THE LIMIT... I'M HELPLESS! DOWN FOR THE COUNT AND I'M DROWNIN' IN 'EM

 **veronica.lodge:** omg betty

 **betty.boop:** I HAVE NEVER BEEN THE TYPE TO TRY AND GRAB THE SPOTLIGHT, WE WERE AT A REVEL WITH SOME REBELS ON A HOT NIGHT, LAUGHING AT MY SISTER AS SHE'S DAZZLING THE ROOM, THEN YOU WALKED IN AND MY HEART WENT BOOM

 **shithead:** That's what I meant.

 **shithead:** Mention anything that remotely sounds like something from Hamilton and she does that.

 **veronica.lodge:** that's not an oh no

 **veronica.lodge:** that's an oh yes

 **veronica.lodge:** lin manuel is the best

 **veronica.lodge:** although i'm more of an in the heights fan myself, but that was a given

 **archiekins:** oh god not you too

 **shithead:** Women...

 **betty.boop:** Hamilton is an amazing musical

 **kevin.killer:** i hate to say this bc it perpetuates the stereotype that gay men love musicals, but eliza schuyler is right

 **archiekins:** who?

 **veronica.lodge:** listen to the fucking soundtrack you moldy piece of white bread

 **kevin.killer:** and there's our angelica

 **shithead:** What does that make you, Peggy?

 **veronica.lodge:** jughead is lowkey a fan

 **betty.boop:** Highkey, I caught him humming Satisfied a few days ago

 **betty.boop:** I was so proud :')

 **shithead:** BETtY

 **betty.boop:** Jughead, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

 **shithead:** Maybe it's time to change the subject.

 **kevin.killer:** so cheronica is totally going to be on soon

 **archie.kins:** cheronica?

 **kevin.killer:** u kno up until now i thought that cheryl truly had no feelings, but now i see that was just a result of her repressed crush on our very own socialite

 **betty.boop:** That doesn't make any sense because she was mean BEFORE Veronica was in Riverdale.

 **kevin.killer:** well mayB she had a crush on you back then

 **betty.boop:** EW

 **kevin.killer:** im just saying it's possible

 **betty.boop:** Kevin we're related

 **veronica.lodge:** WHAT

 **shithead:** Betty I thought you weren't going to tell them yet

 **archiekins:** WHAT

 **betty.boop:** They were going to find out eventually

 **betty.boop:** Turns out great grandfather Cooper was a Blossom, but we separated from their family after the his brother killed him.

 **veronica.lodge:** so that means jason and polly...

 **betty.boop:** Yep

 **veronica.lodge:** oh my god betty i'm sorry

 **archiekins:** me too

 **betty.boop:** But look on the bright side...

 **betty.boop:** When you marry Cheryl, we'll finally be sisters!

 **veronica.lodge:** idk whether to see that as cute or awkward

 **betty.boop:** Cute, duh.

 **veronica.lodge:** but, betty, i had a crush on you when i first got here. and that would mean... i had a crush on my sister.

 **betty.boop:** You what?!?!

 **veronica.lodge:** betty...

 **kevin.killer:** called it!

 **archiekins:** what

 **shithead:** Seriously? I feel like I need to start watching my back.

 **veronica.lodge:** betty i bought u flowers

 **betty.boop:** You said the yellow was for friendship!

 **kevin.killer:** she's right u did

 **veronica.lodge:** i had cupcakes flown in frm new york

 **betty.boop:** I thought you just felt bad!

 **veronica.lodge:** that too

 **kevin.killer:** i wouldve shipped it

 **veronica.lodge:** you would ship anything that's gay

 **kevin.killer:** tru

 **veronica.lodge:** but anyway, that's over now, thank god. having crushes on straight girls is the WORST

 **betty.boop:** Sorry Ronnie :( I wish I would have known so I wouldn't have rubbed Jughead in your face so much

 **veronica.lodge:** it's all good, betts, you'll always be my BFF

 **kevin.killer:** wow i feel like im watching an after school special

 **veronica.lodge:** shut up kevin and let us have our moment

 **shithead:** I feel like I'm going to explode after that estrogen overdose.

 **archiekins:** how come i didnt kno u had a crush on betty???

 **betty.boop:** Archie...

 **shithead:** bro...

 **veronica.lodge:** okay, somebody has got to tell him, this is painful to watch

 **archiekins:** tell me wat???


	2. Chapter 2

**veronica.lodge has changed the chat name to "SHE SHOOTS! SHE SCORES!"**

**veronica.lodge:** ya girl has an update

**betty.boop:** Finally! I've been waiting all night to hear from you.

**archiekins:** why are we waiting to hear frm veronica

**kevin.killer:** bc she had another sleepover with cheryl last night

**kevin.killer:** like the last one where they almost kissed but gayer

**shithead:** Noah Friends but I still don't actually care

**veronica.lodge:** fine

**veronica.lodge** has kicked  **shithead** out of the chat

**archiekins:** ron we've talked abt this

**veronica.lodge:** he didn't even want to BE here!!!

**archiekins:** he just says that, u kno deep down he cares

**archiekins:** he just texted me and asked me to add him back

**veronica.lodge:** aww i'm lowkey touched, okay, add him back

**archiekins** has added **shithead** to the chat

**shithead:** Hey guys and gays I'm back and this time I'm willing to behave :)

**veronica.lodge:** anyway, as i was saying before i was so RUDELY interrupted

**veronica.lodge:** so yall know cheryl slept over last night and my mom was out

**veronica.lodge:** so i made her dinner

**betty.boop:** Ronnie you can cook?

**veronica.lodge:** yea im alright

**veronica.lodge:** bt yeah i made her dinner and then we went up to my room and i told her how i've been feeling lately

**betty.boop:** AND???

**veronica.lodge:** and she said that she feels the same way since we did that performance the night of the pep rally and she had that breakdown !!!

**kevin.killer:** YAS!!! Move over, Bughead, Riverdale has a new power couple.

**kevin.killer:** ya'll should run for prom court

**veronica.lodge:** im a sophomore

**kevin.killer:** you'd still win, tbh

**shithead:** Betty and I are still cuter than you guys.

**veronica.lodge:** no

**kevin.killer:** no

**betty.boop:** Sorry, Babe, but no.

**shithead:** I guess Archie is the only one I can count on...

**archiekins:** no.

**shithead:** Et tu, Brute?

**kevin.killer:** wait so u guys confessed ur undying love for each other and then she slept over? 

**kevin.killer:** IN YOUR BED?

**veronica.lodge:** yes.

**betty.boop:** OMG RONNIE !!! 

**veronica.lodge:** omg you guys it wasn't like that

**veronica.lodge:** we just talked

**veronica.lodge:** until like 2am

**veronica.lodge:** and cuddled

**veronica.lodge:** guys she's really cool

**kevin.killer:** haha veronica ur gay

**betty.boop:** Somehow that's more gay than if you had slept w/her...

**veronica.lodge:** i just came here to have a good time and i'm honestly feeling so attacked right now

**archiekins:** guys b nice to ronnie

**shithead:** Yeah, Archibald is right she's probably sexually frustrated right now.

**veronica.lodge:** betty if u don't get ur mans under control

**betty.boop:** I don't control him

**kevin.killer:** is he wrong tho

**veronica.lodge:** ...

**kevin.killer:** don't worry v i'm sure you'll smash soon

**veronica.lodge:** stop it kev you're giving me anxiety

**veronica.lodge:** i hate all of you

**veronica.lodge:** and i think this is a conversation that me and betty need to be having alone, so if you'll excuse us gentlemen

-

**veronica.lodge** to  **betty.boop**

**veronica.lodge:** hello betts, the love of my life and the only one of my friends that isn't a snake

**betty.boop:** Hi Ron, what's up?

**veronica.lodge:** so you know what we were talking about in the chat

**betty.boop:** Yeah?

**veronica.lodge:** so i'm kinda nervous bc cheryl is obviously older and super hot and

**veronica.lodge:** presumably a lot of experience?

**betty.boop:** Ah

**betty.boop:** Okay feel free to tell me if I'm overstepping but

**betty.boop:** I was under the impression that you were Not a Virgin

**veronica.lodge:** i'm not

**veronica.lodge:** but like,,, with a girl

**betty.boop:** Ah I see

**veronica.lodge:** and like even with boys i

**veronica.lodge:** okay betts you gotta cross your heart you won't repeat any of this anywhere outside of this chat

**betty.boop:** Promise.

**veronica.lodge:** i've never really done anything like that with anyone that i cared about

**veronica.lodge:** i lost my v card when i was 13

**veronica.lodge:** and he was 19

**betty.boop:** Oh my God, Ronnie </3

**veronica.lodge:** i know

**veronica.lodge:** and after that i just kinda did it bc it was what i felt that i had to do to be popular and stay on top and

**veronica.lodge:** i mean it wasn't like awful or anything, bc it's sex and it was fun even without feelings but sometimes it was just exhausting and now i regard it as kind of traumatic in a way and

**veronica.lodge:** i don't know what cheryl's expecting or how fast she wants to go and i'm kind of scared bc what if i'm not good at it ??? she's the first person in a long long while that i've had feelings for that has actually reciprocated them and i don't want to mess it up

**betty.boop:** Okay, well, I'm going to play this by ear but

**betty.boop:** It sounds like you really care about her? And I think she really cares about you too, not just your body. So I think she'll understand if you're not ready for anything right now, you just have to have that conversation with her.

**betty.boop:** As for the not being good at it, I really can't uh,,, help you there.

**veronica.lodge:** you mean you and jug haven't..

**betty.boop:** No.

**betty.boop:** I would have told you if we did.

**betty.boop:** I don't even know if he's like... into that.

**veronica.lodge:** what do you mean? he's a teenage boy

**betty.boop:** Everytime things even start to get a little heated he pulls away and immediately starts talking about something else.

**betty.boop:** Maybe he's just not attracted to me like that?

**betty.boop:** I mean I'm not exactly supermodel material...

**veronica.lodge:** betty you're a total smokeshow, okay?

**veronica.lodge:** i said that when i met you and it's still true now

**veronica.lodge:** jug is probably just trying to not push you and be respectful

**betty.boop:** Maybe :/

**veronica.lodge:** we should probably get back to the main chat, kevin is probably losing it by now

-

**veronica.lodge** to  **"SHE SHOOTS, SHE SCORES!"**

**veronica.lodge:** okay guys betty and i are back

**kevin.killer:** FINALLY! u guys were gone for like,,, an hour? what the fuck were you even talking about

**veronica.lodge:** nun ya bidness keller

**betty.boop:** it was Girl Stuff TM

**shithead:** Like what, synchronized periods?

**veronica.lodge:** why is it that Girl Stuff always means periods with you people

**veronica.lodge:** jfc thts not all we talk about

**veronica.lodge:** go light your farts on fire with archie, shithead

**archiekins:** are u on your period rn

**betty.boop:** Archie you did not just ask that

**betty.boop:** Do you know how invalidating it is to assume that when a woman is having any sort of emotion that isn't considered "ladylike" she's on her period?

**shithead:** lol Archie you fucced up

**betty.boop:** I'm mad at you too

**shithead:** um,,, What did I do?

**veronica.lodge:** synchronized periods? this is why i h8 men

**veronica.lodge:** except for kevin. bc kevin isn't a snake and is a true homie

**archiekins:** sorry oh mighty queens, i hope u can forgive me for my mistakes, for i am a mere mortal

**betty.boop:** Hmm, what do you think Veronica?

**veronica.lodge:** i think little archie has proved himself for now, but shall pay for our milkshakes at pop's next time to REALLY get back in our good graces

**shithead:** I'll let you guys use my discount as an apology.

**veronica.lodge:** hmm what do u think betts

**betty.boop:** I think that's the closest thing that we are going to get as an apology from Jughead,,, and honestLY I am surprised he even offered

**veronica.lodge:** okay then we accept and all is well in the world again

**betty.boop:** Meet at Pop's in twenty?

**veronica.lodge:** yep!

**archiekins:** yeah betts i'll b there

**kevin.killer:** sorry yall im gonna leave this pop's trip to the core four, i have plans with joaquin

**veronica.lodge:** YES KEV get it

**shithead:** I'm already here, I've been here for the past few hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls let me know what y'all think and if you'd like me to continue
> 
> if so let me know what you'd like to see more of? what characters you want to make an appearance? this fic is so easy and fun to write i'll most likely do it


	3. Chapter 3

**veronica.lodge** to  **cherylbombshell**

**veronica.lodge:** hey, you up?

**cherylbombshell:** oh my god ronnie did you just send the hey you up text at 1 am i didn't know you were such a fuckboy

**veronica.lodge:** oh mY GOD NO

**veronica.lodge:** i just wanna talk

**cherylbombshell:** oh no, "talk"

**cherylbombshell:** that's usually not good news

**veronica.lodge:** oh no it's nothing like that i swear

**veronica.lodge:** i just need to talk to you about something, but nothing bad i hope

**cherylbombshell:** oh okay, you need me to call you?

**veronica.lodge:** no if i hear your voice i'm gonna chicken out and i'm not gonna say it

**veronica.lodge:** okay so,,, i was talking to the squad in the gc and they were teasing me about you and anyway they brought something to my attention

**veronica.lodge:** i guess i'm feeling a lil nervous now bc i'm wondering what you're expecting from me

**cherylbombshell:** oh no is this where you tell me you're not really looking for anything serious

**veronica.lodge:** no

**veronica.lodge:** i need you to not assume that you know what i'm going to say ever again

**veronica.lodge:** i meant like,,, uh,,, sexually?

**veronica.lodge:** and it's not that i don't WANT you that way it's that i don't think i'm ready for anything like that right now bc of what sex has been for me before

**cherylbombshell:** ???

**veronica.lodge:** okay so like,,, i've never really uh,,, done that with anyone that i cared about, just with flings or hookups and usually just to cement my place at the top of the social pyramid and you're different and i don't want my brain to lump you in with the rest of them and yeah

**cherylbombshell:** veronica

**cherylbombshell:** i don't care that you don't want to sleep together right now

**cherylbombshell:** that's completely fine, no pressure

**veronica.lodge:** are you sure???

**cherylbombshell:** while it is a shame that we are both super hot and won't be scissor sisters anytime soon

**cherylbombshell:** we have plenty of time to figure everything out, okay babe?

**veronica.lodge:** okay okay, phew

**veronica.lodge:** and "babe"? i like that ;)

**cherylbombshell:** omg the more i text you the more that i see how much of a fuckboy you are

**veronica.lodge:** heY

**cherylbombshell:** also, i've been meaning to ask you, who have you told about us?

**veronica.lodge:** uh, betty, archie, jughead, and kevin

**veronica.lodge:** why

**cherylbombshell:** bc i'm not out and

**cherylbombshell:** it's okay that they know i don't expect you to hide from them but uh

**cherylbombshell:** try not to tell too many more people

**veronica.lodge:** omg cheryl i'm so sorry i thought you were out already i should've asked

**cheryl.bombshell:** it's okay and it's no biggie if some ppl know i just can't have it get back to my parents bc they'll kill me

**veronica.lodge:** have you told anyone?

**cherylbombshell:** josie

**veronica.lodge:** okay, i'll tell the gang to not tell anyone about us

**veronica.lodge:** why are you up this late, anyways?

**cherylbombshell:** my parents are fighting rly loudly

**cherylbombshell:** something about the business and jason

**cherylbombshell:** they don't think i'm the person to pass down the business to and they were grooming jason for it since birth so

**veronica.lodge:** oh :(

**veronica.lodge:** penelope and clifford blossom need to meet me in the pit

**veronica.lodge:** don't let them get to you, ok?

**cherylbombshell:** i'll try :/

**veronica.lodge:** i'm gonna call you

-

**veronica.lodge** to  **betty.boop**

**veronica.lodge:** so ya girl talked to cheryl last night

**betty.boop:** Veronica it's 7 am

**veronica.lodge:** ur awake arent u?

**betty.boop:** Well yeah but still

**betty.boop:** Anyway what did she say

**veronica.lodge:** here i'll send the receipts

**veronica.lodge:** screenshot.jpg

**betty.boop:** AwwWWWWWWwwwwwWWWWWwwwwwwwWWWWWWWWW

**betty.boop:** I didn't even know Cheryl COULD be that considerate

**betty.boop:** but I'm so happy for you V

**veronica.lodge:** me too betts

**veronica.lodge:** this girl is just

**veronica.lodge:** she's the kind of wonderful that you don't notice right away but when you do it's blinding and i adore her

**veronica.lodge:** after that convo i called her and told her why i think she's a blessing and everything her parents say about her is A Lie

**betty.boop:** Ronnie <3

**betty.boop:** But uh, if you don't want the guys to say anything, you gotta tell them soon, you know how Kevin is with gossip

**veronica.lodge:** oh shit u right

-

**veronica.lodge** to  **"SHE SHOOTS, SHE SCORES!"**

**veronica.lodge:** guys

**veronica.lodge:** guys

**veronica.lodge:** BOYS

**shithead:** Um, who are you calling a boy? I am a MAN  TM

**veronica.lodge:** shut up this is important

**archiekins:** what

**kevin.killer:** what do u want veronica i'm watching the break up episode of glee

**betty.boop:** Omg Kevin </3 just thinking about it makes me want to burst out into tears...

**veronica.lodge:** table that convo, i have an Important Request

**veronica.lodge:** you guys can't tell anyone about me and cheryl

**veronica.lodge:** she's not out

**kevin.killer:** what do u mean she's not out everybody knows

**archiekins:** i didn't kno

**kevin.killer:** yeah but ur archie

**veronica.lodge:** not everybody knows, just us because we have a decent Gaydar

**veronica.lodge:** and anyway, people suspecting is different than it being confirmed and it getting back to her parents

**veronica.lodge:** so if ya'll could kindly keep your mouths shut, i would appreciate

**shithead:** I don't have anyone to tell anyways, everyone who I talk to is in this Group Chat

**veronica.lodge:** this was more aimed towards Kevin the Gossip Queen and Archie the Man With No Filter

**kevin.killer:** i... want to be offended but it's kind of true so 

**kevin.killer:** i wont tell anyone tho, promise. i may be a gossip queen but i dont out ppl without their permission

**archiekins:** yeah me too

**veronica.lodge:** alright thanks my bros

**veronica.lodge:** my dudes

**shithead:** s t o p

**kevin.killer:** santana is singing "mine"

**kevin.killer:** guYS

**betty.boop:** oh NO

**betty.boop:** Brittana deserved better

**veronica.lodge:** you guys,,, that scene,,, makes me bawl my eyes out

**veronica.lodge:** and when brittany says "this feels a lot like a break up to me"

**betty.boop:** nnnnOOOOOOO 

**kevin.killer:** brb gonna go cry in the corner

**veronica.lodge:** now i wanna watch glee, i haven't seen that show in 5evr

**betty.boop:** ME TOO

**veronica.lodge:** come over?

**betty.boop:** Be there in 15

**kevin.killer:** ill bring the popcorn

-

**veronica.lodge** has changed the chat name to  **"YOU WEIRDOS BETTER LISTEN UP"**

**veronica.lodge:** so i've come to a conclusion

**veronica.lodge:** and i want to add cheryl to the group chat

**shithead:** no

**kevin.killer:** YES

**betty.boop:** sure

**shithead:** NOOOO, this group chat is sacred,,, it is the heart and soul of our friendship,,, if you add cheryl then it becomes diluted and meaningless

**shithead:** Plus I don't like her

**kevin.killer:** i want to see cheryl out of her natural habitat

**kevin.killer:** i wonder what she's like when she's not controlled by whatever evil demon resides inside her during the school day

**betty.boop:** Add her v

**shithead:** If you add her you guys are going to be super gross and coupley in a chat where that does NOT belong

**veronica.lodge:** um

**veronica.lodge:** you and betty?

**betty.boop:** Sorry Juggy but she's kind of right

**archiekins:** what's happenign

**betty.boop:** Ronnie is adding Cheryl to the chat

**archiekins:** oh okay cool

**shithead:** Not cool

**betty.boop:** sorry babe but ur outnumbered

**veronica.lodge** has added  **cherylbombshell** to the chat

**veronica.lodge:** hello cheryl meet my friends 

**cherylbombshell:** lol vero you do realize,,, i've met your friends?

**veronica.lodge:** yeah but this is different bc now you're my gf 

**cherylbombshell:** i feel like i'm meeting the parents

**kevin.killer:** odd...

**cheryl.bombshell:** what?

**kevin.killer:** SHE'S NICE

**kevin.killer:** Know a Fence cheryl but i didn't think you even had the ability to be nice

**betty.boop:** What Kevin ~really~ means is

**betty.boop:** Hi Cheryl

**cherylbombshell:** ...hello

**archiekins:** hey cheryl

**shithead:** Hello Cheryl Blossom who I have No Personal Grudge Against Whatsoever

**betty.boop:** Jughead stop be nice

**shithead:** I WAS

**cherylbombshell:** lol babe i think i should go

**kevin.killer:** NO

**veronica.lodge:** no stay

**betty.boop:** aw ~~babe~~

**kevin.killer:** i like seeing this side of cheryl blossom

**cherylbombshell:** i think everyone in this gc is scared of me

**kevin.killer:** you are... not wrong

**cherylbombshell:** listen,,, i understand why you guys are mad at me. i haven't been the nicest person

**shithead:** Understatement of The Year

**cherylbombshell:** and i'm sorry but i'm trying to be better so hopefully i can prove myself to you all

**archiekins:** whoa

**archiekins:** did cheryl blossom just apologize

**archiekins:** ronnie must have magic lips

**kevin.killer:** EW

**betty.boop:** uh, yeah... Archie I'm gonna need you to never say anything like that ever again.

**veronica.lodge:** just give her a chance

**kevin.killer:** chance was given when she said babe

**archiekins:** i have,,, no personal grudge against cheryl, we're all good

**betty.boop:** I mean, we're family. 

**shithead:** I will be civil and cautiously trusting.

**cherylbombshell:** :D

**kevin.killer:** while ur here... i've been meaning to ask

**kevin.killer:** who tops in the cheronica relationship

**betty.boop:** KeVIN 

**kevin.killer:** i'm guessing it's veronica but im not even sure

**shithead:** no way, Veronica is highkey a bottom that badass attitude is just a front

**archiekins:** guys we should NOT be talking about this

**veronica.lodge:** for once life sized ed sheeran is right

**kevin.killer:** we're just curious who tops when ya'll make out

**betty.boop:** Archie's right... and anyways, Veronica is the top for sure this is not even a discussion

**shithead:** Babe you think Cheryl Blossom bottoms?

**betty.boop:** YES

**kevin.killer:** plus veronica is so rrrrrrrr

**veronica.lodge:** veronica is mortified, can we not talk about this???

**kevin.killer:** aw 'cmon we just wanna knoooow

**cherylbombshell:** veronica tops and she's amazing at it, now can we get back to a more appropriate topic of conversation?

**betty.boop:** YIS I KNEW IT!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's another instalment of this little fic because i can't help myself apparently. let ya girl know what you think and what you'd like to see!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to @WolfofAnsbach and @Quinn_F for giving me the idea for this chapter!

**shithead** to  **cherylbombshell**

**shithead:** So I figured somebody else would have done this by now

**shithead:** But seeing as Betty is too nice, Archie is oblivious, and Kevin doesn't give a flying shit I guess it falls onto me

**shithead:** You can't tell anyone about this ever

**cherylbombshell:** ...okay?

**shithead:** Veronica is convinced that you really like her and I hope to God that that's true and you're not just pulling another classic Cheryl Blossom manipulation with her because I will destroy you

**cherylbombshell:** with what authority?

**shithead:** I didn't want to go here but remember I know things about your family that you probably don't want getting out and if you hurt Veronica I am not opposed to writing an expose about them

**cherylbombshell:** wow jughead i didn't know you had it in you

**cherylbombshell:** i also didn't know you cared but

**cherylbombshell:** i promise i'm not playing any games with veronica, i really care about her and stuff and would never purposefully hurt her so

**shithead:** Good, and I don't care it's just Betty is her best friend and if Veronica is hurt then Betty has to go comfort her and I lose my Bughead time so this is a precaution

**shithead:** I am doing this entirely for myself

**cherylbombshell:** .... sure, jan

**shithead:** Just don't tell anybody about this

**cherylbombshell:** i already screenshotted this conversation and sent it to veronica

**shithead:** CHErYL

**cherylbombshell:** sorry but i found this super cute i couldn't help myself

**shithead:** cuTE? CUTE? I am not Cute, I am a Man

**cherylbombshell:** a d o r a b l e

-

**veronica.lodge** to  **"YOU WEIRDOS BETTER LISTEN UP"**

**veronica.lodge:** omg u guys

**veronica.lodge:** look what cheryl just sent me

**veronica.lodge:** screenshot1.jpg

**veronica.lodge:** juGHEAD cARES

**shithead:** Ah Shit

**cherylbombshell:** sooo cute

**betty.boop:** omg juggy

**betty.boop:** Jug that's so cute I'm

**betty.boop:** Two of the most important people in my life getting along :')

**veronica.lodge:** aw B, love you <3

**shithead:** I'M NOT CUTE I'M A MAN

**betty.boop:** Hey Jug come over 

**shithead:** I can't I'm terrified of your mother

**betty.boop:** But I'm making dinner

**betty.boop:** Plus they're not home

**shithead:** omw

**veronica.lodge:** IS JuGHEAD abOOUT TO GET SOME

**kevin.killer:** whaT thE FLyING heckKLE is ocURRING

**archiekins:** damn if i knew that threatening cheryl would get me some i wouldve done it

**cherylbombshell:** stOP

**kevin.killer:** who cares is our baby betty finally getting some? i feel like such a proud papa

**archiekins:** ew ive known them both since we were kids i don't wanna think about that

**veronica.lodge:** is it bad that i can't tell if jughead went over because her parents weren't home or because of the dinner

**cherylbombshell:** no because i'm 90% sure jughead isn't a real teenage boy

**cherylbombshell:** one time when he was staying at the school i was prepping for vixens practice and went to take a shower

**cherylbombshell:** he walked in on me getting out and all he said was "oh, sorry i thought this was the little boys room" and strutted out with no real reaction

**kevin.killer:** BaHAHAHA that sounds like him

**cherylbombshell:** i was kind of offended

**cherylbombshell:** like,,, i thought i was hotter than that

**veronica.lodge:** aw baby you are

**veronica.lodge:** it's just jughead isn't a real boy

**veronica.lodge:** he's a different species altogether

**kevin.killer:** ew you guys are bein gross

**kevin.killer:** stop it you lesbians

**archiekins:** there are private chats for that stuff ladies

**archiekins:** not that i mind you keeping it here ;)

**veronica.lodge:** typical guy, determined to prove your virility by turning a lesbian straight

**archiekins:** what

**kevin.killer:** she's quoting faking it

**archiekins:** what

**cherylbombshell:** oh mY god you UNCULTURED swine

**kevin.killer:** it's a TV show and it's actually p good 10/10 would recommend

**archiekins:** i just looked it up

**archiekins:** sorry guys i dont understand Gay Culture

**veronica.lodge:** archie half of your friends are gay

**kevin.killer:** she's not wrong

**archiekins:** whtevr

**archiekins:** hey cheryl

**cherylbombshell:** ...yes?

**archiekins:** ur friends with josie right

**cherylbombshell:** yes bt if you're trying to get at her you're really barking up the wrong tree

**cherylbombshell:** her and reggie are talking

**archiekins:** no ah

**archiekins:** can u ask her if val is single

**archiekins:** i wanna ask her out but don't wanna make a fool of myself if she's taken

**cherylbombshell:** she's single

**cherylbombshell:** her and mel are always complaining about how they don't have a mans but whenever a mans tries to get at either one of them they run the other way because they're obnoxious

**archiekins:** so...i shouldn't get at her

**cherylbombshell:** no you should, but maybe try for a friendship first

**archiekins:** ok ok, im gonna ask her to pop's to help me with my music

**veronica.lodge:** get it little archie

**veronica.lodge:** if you do then our little group will p much be perfectly paired off

**veronica.lodge:** also cher?

**cherylbombshell:** yes?

**veronica.lodge:** my mom just left

**cherylbombshell:** i'll be there in 15

**archiekins:** guess that just leaves you and me, kevin

**archiekins:** keVIN

**kevin.killer:** ha NO, im going on a date with joaquin

**archiekins:** wow

**archiekins:** hello darkness my old friend

-

**betty.boop** to  **veronica.lodge**

**betty.boop:** So I've been thinking and

**betty.boop:** I need your help asking Jug to Sadie's

**betty.boop:** NOT because I can't ask him to any other dance, because I stand by the assumption that Sadie Hawkins dances are slightly sexist instead of being the empowering tool that they pretend to be but

**betty.boop:** Because Jughead will never ask me to anything because he's not the and I want to go with him

**veronica.lodge:** AW beTTY

**veronica.lodge:** hoenestly i don't think jughead cares how you ask him? like i'd suggest just taking him to the diner and getting pop to draw 'sadies?' on the burger with ketchup... anything else is really too public for our outsider

**betty.boop:** oh wow

**betty.boop:** That's... Ronnie you're so smart!

**veronica.lodge:** i'm happy to oblige my dear

**betty.boop:** How are you asking Cheryl?

**veronica.lodge:** i'm not i don't think

**betty.boop:** Oh is she asking you?

**betty.boop:** Lesbianing must be so hard when you have to make those decisions

**veronica.lodge:** no it's not that ah

**veronica.lodge:** she's not out of the closet so

**veronica.lodge:** i kinda can't go w her publicly

**betty.boop:** OH

**betty.boop:** I'm sorry, V. 

**veronica.lodge:** yeah it sucks but i mean i get it and i don't wanna push her or anything

**veronica.lodge:** but as far as i know we're going as a group with josie, mel, and possibly val if archie doesn't get his shit together and asks her soon

**betty.boop:** Why isn't she out tho? I mean I kinda thought everyone knew

**veronica.lodge:** i did too but apparently not, ginger and tina won't stop asking her who she's gonna take

**veronica.lodge:** she can't come out because her parents are dicks and would kill her

**veronica.lodge:** and after what happened to jason i don't want to risk it

**betty.boop:** What do you mean what happened to Jason?

**veronica.lodge:** i mean his murder

**veronica.lodge:** not to be that person but haven't you ever wondered if his parents had anything to do with it

**veronica.lodge:** after staying in that house betty, i'm telling you it was CHILLING. they treat their kids like crap

**betty.boop:** Well I'd be lying if I said it never crossed my mind but

**betty.boop:** You don't actually think they had anything to do with it do you

**veronica.lodge:** idk betty, but for cheryl's sake i hope not

**veronica.lodge:** i can't even imagine what it would be like to live in that house

**betty.boop:** We should get her out of there, at least for a night

**betty.boop:** Or a weekend

**betty.boop:** My parents are out this weekend at some journalism thing, how about we have a weekend with the boys and Cheryl?

**veronica.lodge:** ooo good idea, we can all just crash at yours after the dance

**veronica.lodge:** so its you, me, jug, archie, cheryl, and kevin?

**betty.boop:** Yeah I think so

**betty.boop:** Josie and the Cats can come too if they want but I'm sure they'll have some fun thing to do bc they're so cool

**veronica.lodge:** honestly the more that i hang out with them the more that i realize how nerdy they are

**veronica.lodge:** at least once a rehearsal they burst out into something from hsm or camp rock it's kind of tragic

**betty.boop:** Wow that's so coooool

**veronica.lodge:** lol don't get me wrong i love hsm but cool is not the word to describe that betty

**betty.boop:** Um...

**betty.boop:** Blasphemy

**-**

**betty.boop** has changed the chat name to  **"Get your head in the game"**

**betty.boop:** High school musical is the best movie to ever be made and Archie is a living Troy Bolton. Discuss.

**shithead:** Betty is this what you think about at 12 am

**betty.boop:** yes.

**archiekins:** um no?? troy bolton played basketball, not football

**cherylbombshell:** they're all sports with balls it's the same thing

**kevin.killer:** and OF COURSE hsm is the best movie to ever be made

**kevin.killer:** it would've been better if chad and ryan would have dated but i mean 

**archiekins:** what they're not gay

**betty.boop:** ARchOE...

**shithead:** Honestly I wouldn't know I've never seen it

**betty.boop:** WHAT

**betty.boop:** We're gonna binge watch them this weekend

**shithead:** what's this weekend

**betty.boop:** oH riGHT right guys we are having a slumber party and you are all invited 

**kevin.killer:** who's we?

**betty.boop:** Ronnie and I are planning, and by planning I mean doing absolutely nothing except inviting y'all and bringing snacks. It's everyone in this gc and possibly the Pussycats if they're not already doing something

**shithead:** Lol alright you know I'll be there

**cherylbombshell:** fine

**archiekins:** idk guys,,, i'm gonna be fifth wheeling all night,,,

**betty.boop:** No you won't :(

**shithead:** Betty's right, she'll be the fifth wheel

**shithead:** You know how girls do that thing where they act like a couple and if you hang out with two girls who are best friends you feel like you're the one third wheeling even though you're liTERALLY DATING ONE OF THEM

**shithead:** That'll be us bro

**veronica.lodge:** lol jughead,,, salty much

**shithead:** Yes

**betty.boop:** What

**shithead:** Betty you and Veronica literally used me as a clothing rack when we were supposed to be hanging out

**veronica.lodge:** technically,,, you imposed on my B&V time so,,,,

**betty.boop:** We did???

**shithead:** You made me buy you guys food while you went to the bathroom,,, for like 20 minutes? What were you even doing in there

**veronica.lodge:** rap battling

**shithead:** What

**veronica.lodge:** yea, don't you know? when girls go to the bathroom together we take a long time because we're rap battling in there

**shithead:** Lol Veronica you're full of shit

**veronica.lodge:** um,,, says the guy whose username is literally SHITHEAD excuse you

**veronica.lodge:** it's true,,, back me up babe

**cherylbombshell:** well that's not EXACTLY what we do when we go to the bathroom together but ;)

**betty.boop:** HAHAHA

**kevin.killer:** yas, girl, get it

**archiekins:** thanks for the image

**cherylbombshell:** ;D

**veronica.lodge:** omg babe you gotta stop adding to archie's spank bank

**betty.boop:** eW, now that was an image I did not need

**veronica.lodge:** u right that was too weird i'm changing the subject

**veronica.lodge:** archie u won't be fifth wheeling kevin will be there

**kevin.killer:** blue jasmine is right

**veronica.lodge:** and if the cats are there you might get lucky with val ;)))

**archiekins:** oh i'm already going with her to the dance

**betty.boop:** whAT OMG WHEN

**archiekins:** she asked me yesterday

**archiekins:** apparently SOMEONE in this chat told josie who told val that i liked her and i would be mad about it but she likes me too so 

**cherylbombshell:** ... sorry archiekins, but josie is my girl and telling me something like that and expecting me not to tell her is like me telling veronica something and expecting her not to tell betty

**veronica.lodge:** tru

**archiekins:** it's all gucci

**betty.boop:** OUR GROUP IS FINALLY PERFECTLY PAIRED OFF YESSSS

**kevin.killer:** ya'll have yet to meet joaquin tho :(

**betty.boop:** soon, young one.

**cherylbombshell:** lol melody is gonna be pissssed that val got a mans before her

**kevin.killer:** melody scares me,,, i don't think i've ever actually heard her say anything

**veronica.lodge:** melody isn't scary,,, just salty AF. she stays in her lane and out of drama but she's the perfect person to go to for hot tea because she always know 300% of the information on what went down

**kevin.killer:** SHE'S MY SOULMATE

**archiekins:** i thought u were gay

**betty.boop:** ARChiE you GotTA StOP

**shithead:** bro u can't be serious

**archiekins:** haha i'm not

**archie:** gotCHU there THO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter of this little fic, hope everyone enjoys.
> 
> Please tell me what you'd like to see next. I love writing for this verse but unfortunately creativity is dead in California so I need yalls help.


	5. Chapter 5

**veronica.lodge** to  **"Get your head in the game."**

**veronica.lodge:** betty im omw

**betty.boop:** Can you bring your hair curler idk where mine went

**veronica.lodge:** yeah

**archiekins:** why are you guys getting ready it's not even noon

**veronica.lodge:** we decided to make a day of it

**veronica.lodge:** we're gonna do facials and manipedis while talking shit it's gonna be great

**kevin.killer:** im offended why was i not invited???

**archiekins:** bro don't even start this argument with them bc you'll lose

**shithead:** Archie's right, Veronica is serious about her B&V time I'm pretty sure she's almost fought me before

**shithead:** She may be like five feet tall but man is she scary

**cherylbombshell:** she's not scary you're just a wimp

**cherylbombshell:** also ronnie, be ready by 7 i'm picking you up for dinner :)

**shithead:** I'm not a wimp, I'm a Man

**shithead:** I do manual labor

**archiekins:** you worked with my dad for like a day

**veronica.lodge:** okay cher :)

**veronica.lodge:** and betty i'm here come get me i don't wanna knock i'm scared of your mom

**betty.boop:** omw

**shithead:** Archie I'm coming over I need help

**shithead:** I don't know how to tie a tie

**archiekins:** bro i don't either

**shithead:** I know but your dad does

**archiekins:** you right you right

**kevin.killer:** how do they not know how to tie a tie that's just

**cherylbombshell:** do you?

**kevin.killer:** WHAT KIND OF GAY DO YOU THINK I AM, OF COURSE YOU CRETIN

-

**cherylbombshell** to  **pussycat**

**cherylbombshell:** josie i need your help

**pussycat:** anything you need bbg

**cherylbombshell:** so i'm taking veronica out to dinner before the dance but in the next town over bc riverdale has one restaurant that's actually good and the entirety of riverdale high will be there

**cherylbombshell:** i need to use you as a cover for my parents and say i'm gonna be getting ready at your place, is that okay?

**pussycat:** of course Cheryl, you know I'll always cover with your parents - whatever you need

**cherylbombshell:** have you thought about the sleepover at betty's?

**pussycat:** yes. val is going cause of archie so mel and i will most likely be there being bitter and laughing at all you smushy couples

**cherylbombshell:** things not working out with reggie?

**pussycat:** GIRL that boy has abs for days but the emotional depth of a kiddie pool

**pussycat:** i can't date stupid, i CANNOT play myself like that

**cherylbombshell:** don't worry, you'll find your other half

**cherylbombshell:** preferably after you win your first grammy

**pussycat:** dating Veronica has really turned you into such a sap

**pussycat:** part of me wants to slap you so hard your head does a 360 spin for bein' so cheesy

**pussycat:** but most of me is very happy for you

**cherylbombshell:** LOL yeah, idk, i really care about her and stuff

**cherylbombshell:** she's the first person in a long time that has bothered to look past the facade i put on for the school and really get to know me

**cherylbombshell:** my heart does like this thing when i see her, like it starts beating rly fast and feels like it drops into my stomach but in a good way

**pussycat:** OMG GIRL STOP GIRL STOP ASDFGHJKLOEOEABVBAER

**pussycat:** this is too cute i'm going to die 

**pussycat:** that was so sweet you gave your girl diabetes

**cherylbombshell:** she's the best thing i've had going for me for a while so i'm just trying not to screw it up

**pussycat:** you won't girl, you're all good

**cherylbombshell:** thanks josie, you're the best <3

**cherylbombshell:** omg it's 4 i need to start getting ready i barely look human, see you tonight!

-

**shithead** to  **archiekins**

**shithead:** You need to get Betty to send you a picture of her dress

**archiekins:** why

**shithead:** So I can get her a corsage and a tie to match

**archiekins:** why don't u just ask her

**shithead:** She doesn't want me to spend any money on this

**shithead:** So she won't send me it

**archiekins:** but u want to?

**shithead:** I still have some money saved up from when I worked at the drive in I'm good

**shithead:** Betty deserves to have a nice night, so I'm gonna saddle up and be a Model Boyfriend

**archiekins:** im just gonna ask veronica what color it is i don't want betts to be mad that i ruined the surprise

**shithead:** Okay that's fine

**archiekins:** it's baby blue

**shithead:** Aw it's gonna match her eyes she's gonna look so pretty

**archiekins:** WHIPPED

**shithead:** I mean, what?

**shithead:** Fuck don't tell anyone I said that

**archiekins:** i have to send it to the gc you know the rules

**shithead:** Rules??

**archiekins:** "whenever jughead does anything even remotely resembling something a normal person would do when they care, group chat member must document it and send it to the chat." - Kevin

**shithead:** I'm never living this one down

-

**archiekins** to  **"Get your head in the game."**

**archiekins:** screenshot.jpg

**shithead:** arcHOE you TRAITOR

**kevin.killer:** aw guys jughead has a heart !!

**cherylbombshell:** how cute TM

**betty.boop:** Juggy... <3

**betty.boop:** That's so cute I'm

**betty.boop:** leaving because veronica and i are busy and bestfriend time tops boyfriend time stop being greedy jugHWASFD

**betty.boop:** Sorry, Ronnie snatched my phone. I do gotta go tho, we're in the middle of talking crap.

**kevin.killer:** im still so upset that i wasn't invited

**kevin.killer:** does the best gay title mean nothing to you people

**veronica.lodge:** OK you made me stop calling you that bc it was demeaning you can't just bring it back when it's convenient

**kevin.killer:** it is demeaning

**kevin.killer:** i still want to be invited to talk shit tho

**shithead:** Kevin you are going to lose this argument, just let it go.

**shithead:** Talk shit with Cheryl or something.

**cherylbombshell:** um don't pull me into this

**archiekins:** R e j e c t e d

**kevin.killer:** guys im bringing joaquin to the dance!!!

**archiekins:** YAY :D

**archiekins:** everyone's paired off then right?

**cherylbombshell:** everyone but josie and mel but tbh i don't think they care

**cherylbombshell:** ALSO the cats are coming to the sleepover

**shithead:** That's three more people that I have to interact with D;

**shithead:** I'm not cut out for this 

**kevin.killer:** why

**kevin.killer:** 'cause you're weird? you're a weirdo? you don't fit in? and you don't WANT to fit in? i mean we've never seen you without that stupid hat on. that's weird!

**shithead:** ...

**shithead:** BETTY

**cherylbombshell:** what the hell was that

**kevin.killer:** betty and jughead were fighting once and jughead said that to her.

**cherylbombshell:** oh my god jughead you have to get off tumblr

**shithead:** I DIDN'T GET THAT OFF TUMBLR PLS

**archiekins:** hey juggy remember when you told me "hell is other people"

**shithead:** ...That I did get off tumblr

**shithead:** But stop exposing me man I'm just trying my best over here

**shithead:** It's not easy being Riverdale's local outcast

**shithead:** It takes work to be the conscientious objector

**cherylbombshell:** oh my god somehow you are a bigger drama queen than josie i don't even know how that's possible

**archiekins:** she's right

**shithead:** I don't take offense to that, Josie is a queen

**kevin.killer:** okay guys, blue or black tie?

**kevin.killer:** camera.jpg

**kevin.killer:** and by guys i mean cheryl

**cherylbombshell:** blue blue blue, you look smokin'

**kevin.killer:** Thanks :D 

**cherylbombshell:** i gotta go finish up and then pick ron up, catch ya'll tonight!

**shithead:** OK Cheryl I'm gonna need you to never use the word ya'll again please and thank you

**cherylbombshell:** no promises ya'll

-

**cherylbombshell** to  **veronica.lodge**

**cherylbombshell:** hey baby i'm about to leave the house, where am i picking you up?

**veronica.lodge:** i'm at betty's :)

**cherylbombshell:** okay i'll be on my way soon, i'll text you when i'm outside?

**veronica.lodge:** yes, do i need to bring anything?

**cherylbombshell:** no, just yourself. everything is taken care of 

**cherylbombshell:** i'm outside

**veronica.lodge:** omw

-

**veronica.lodge** to  **betty.boop**

**veronica.lodge:** betty

**veronica.lodge:** betty

**veronica.lodge:** elizabeth anne cooper

**betty.boop:** What

**veronica.lodge:** i am SWOONING

**veronica.lodge:** cheryl looks so so amazing tonight in her dress like wow how did i even get her she's such a godess and she brought me to some fancy french place in the next town and she's been such a gentlewoman all night and she's just so wonderful i'm 

**veronica.lodge:** i don't think i'm even going to make it to the dance

**veronica.lodge:** I'M GOINGT OT SPPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST BEFORE I GET THERE

**betty.boop:** Who knew Cheryl Blossom could be so romantic?

**betty.boop:** Aw that's so cute I'm

**betty.boop:** But where is she why are you texting me and not being gay with her

**veronica.lodge:** she's in the bathroom i needed to vent because i don't know what is HAPPENING

**veronica.lodge:** betty i don't like this i feel nervous i have butterflies what is she doing to me

**betty.boop:** It's called having feelings, Ronnie

**veronica.lodge:** grooooossssss

**veronica.lodge:** but oh my god okay so i've never noticed so many little things about someone before like, cheryl does this thing when she smiles (the real smiles not the smirks) where her entire face lights up and she gets this little crinkle on her chin and when you say something nice to her she looks down with this little tiny smile before saying thank you and

**veronica.lodge:** she always hesitates before reaching out for my hand like she thinks i'm going to swat it away and always waits for me to close the gap when she comes in for a kiss and it's so sad but also she's so beautiful and

**veronica.lodge:** WHAT DOES THIS MEAN WHY AM I NOTICING THIS

**betty.boop:** ...It means that you're whipped, Ronnie

**veronica.lodge:** AW FUCK

**veronica.lodge:** i guess i need to accept my fate

**veronica.lodge:** cheryl and i are as meant to be as lydia and stiles and i am as whipped as stiles it's just what the universe ordered

**betty.boop:** s t o p

**veronica.lodge:** my lydia martin is back i gotta blast my dude, see you tonight :D!!!

-

**archiekins** to  **"Get your head in the game."**

**archiekins:** guys where are you

**shithead:** In the back by the food bro, we saved you and Val a seat

**archiekins:** ok, is everyone there already

**shithead:** Yeah, except for Cheryl and Veronica idk where the hell they are and if they don't get here soon we're giving their seats up to the plates of food I'm about to steal

**betty.boop:** Probably making out in an alley, but anyway get of your phones and get over here

**veronica.lodge:** we're here

**veronica.lodge:** we weren't making out, just stuck in traffic.

**cherylbombshell:** ... ;)

**veronica.lodge:** OHMAGAHD stop feeding them

**betty.boop:** Hurry up and get over here Juggy got up for food and if you don't take your seats they will be full of pasta soon

**veronica.lodge:** OKOK omw

-

**betty.boop** to  **veronica.lodge**

**betty.boop:** VERONICA

**betty.boop:** WHAT IS THAT

**betty.boop:** ON YOUR HAND

**veronica.lodge:** a bracelet

**betty.boop:** YOU DID NOT HAVE THAT WHEN YOU LEFT THE HOUSE I KNOW BC NOT ONLY DID WE TAKE LIKE 200 PICTURES TOGETHER BUT WE DELIBERATELY PLANNED OUT ALL OF OUR ACCESORIES AND THAT WAS NOT IN THE PINTREST BOARD

**betty.boop:** so that means...

**veronica.lodge:** YES, betty, cheryl gave it to me

**veronica.lodge:** she said she was upset that she wouldn't be able to get me a corsage bc we weren't out so

**betty.boop:** SO SHE GOT YOU A BRACELET THAT PROBABLY COSTS MORE THAN MY WARDROBE? I'M SHooK

**veronica.lodge:** me too tbh

**veronica.lodge:** she's so considerate i need to step up my game 

**betty.boop:** OMG :') Cheronica is my otp

**veronica.lodge:** oh my god betty you need to get off tumblr it's going to corrupt you

-

**archiekins** to  **"Get your head in the game."**

**archiekins:** okay so,,, we are splitting up rn

**archiekins:** i can drive val and three more

**archiekins:** wait let me add everyone

**archiekins** has added  **pussycat, brown.girl,** and  **melodie**

**brown.girl:** If ur driving me you're also taking Mel and Josie, sorry I don't make the rules

**archiekins:** that's fine, i can take one more, does anyone need a ride?

**kevin.killer:** me

**archiekins:** okay so cheryl you'll take ronnie, betty, and jughead?

**cherylbombshell:** yep

**betty.boop:** I have 3 rooms available and the living room, how do ya'll want to split up

**betty.boop:** 1 rule - no couples sharing rooms!!! I don't need any grossness happening in my house thank you v much

**shithead:** aw but Betty

**betty.boop:** Sorry Juggy but if I bend the rules for us we're gonna find Cheryl and Veronica half naked I guaruntee it

**melodie:** What's the bed situation

**betty.boop:** My room has a queen, the guest room has a king, plus there are two couches in the living room and I have a blow up queen mattress we can put on the floor if needed

**melodie:** The pussycats can take the guest room?

**veronica.lodge:** Betty you and I can stay in yours

**archiekins:** I'll take a couch

**shithead:** same

**kevin.killer:** cheryl you and i can sleep on the mattress

**cherylbombshell:** fine

**betty.boop:** Alright ya'll get ready to get lit

**betty.boop:** And by get lit I mean I have the sing along version of High School Musical queued up because Jughead has never seen it and we are gonna watch it

**pussycat:** YES GIRL YES

**melodie:** get ready for the pussycats to SLAY

**shithead:** I am in my own personal hell

**betty.boop:** Jughead keep in mind that your response to this movie will make or break our relationship

**shithead:** I am in my own personal heaven

-

**pussycat** to  **melodie, brown.girl**

**pussycat:** guys peep cheryl's hand

**melodie:** Omg where is it

**brown.girl:** It disappeared up Veronica's dress

**melodie:** What the fuck are they even doing

**pussycat:** they're lesbianing together

**melodie:** Gross

**brown.girl:** Okay guys Veronica's mouth is attached to Cheryl's neck and this is bordering on public indecency

**pussycat:** i didn't even know it was POSSIBLE to netflix and chill to high school musical but i guess these bitches found a way

**melodie:** Am I hallucinating or is Veronica straddling her

**brown.girl:** You are NOT hallucinating I feel like a perv sitting next to them

**brown.girl:** It is NOT dark enough in this room for them to be pulling this shit

**brown.girl:** Guys I heard a moan

**pussycat:** i am putting an end to this

**melodie:** What how

**melodie:** YOU DID NOT JUST THROW YOUR SHOE AT THEM

**pussycat:** they asked for it

-

**veronica.lodge** to  **betty.boop**

**veronica.lodge:** YOU AND JUGHEAD ARE SO CUTE

**veronica.lodge:** DID HE JUST PUT HIS ARM AROUND YOU AND KISS YOUR HEAD

**betty.boop:** that he did

**veronica.lodge:** oh my god swoooon

**veronica.lodge:** i call maid of honor at your wedding

**betty.boop:** Honestly Ronnie who else would I pick

**betty.boop:** and speaking of,,, don't think I didn't see that little show you and Cheryl were putting on

**veronica.lodge:** oh my god i thought i was being discreet i swear

**betty.boop:** Veronica you were on her lap

**betty.boop:** Straddling her

**betty.boop:** Val and Archie were next to you guys I swear that man was about to have a coronary from trying not to turn his head even an inch

**veronica.lodge:** ...

**veronica.lodge:** okay well we stopped

**betty.boop:** Only after you got hit in the head by a shoe

**veronica.lodge:** hey betty i need my veronica time you have all night with her, let me enjoy this bye

**betty.boop:** Well played Cheryl, well played

-

**pussycat** to  **"Get your head in the game."**

**pussycat:** okay ya'll we CANNOT be the only ones who hear that

**shithead:** You're not, the movie isn't loud enough to drown out the sounds coming from that bathroom

**melodie:** I'm just trying to enjoy Gabriella's melodic voice I don't need this

**archiekins:** turn up the volume

**betty.boop:** Somebody has to go get them, if they break something when they're making out in my bathroom my mother is going to kill me and then all of you and then Cheryl and Veronica

**kevin.killer:** not it

**brown.girl:** Not it

**melodie:** No way in hell

**betty.boop:** Not me

**archiekins:** not it

**pussycat:** not it

**shithead:** fuCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one took a little long, i had a pretty hard time writing it but it is now eleven pages so ENJOY! the next chapter will most likely span the rest of the weekend - if anyone has any ideas i am all ears. comment below and let me know what you think!
> 
> also, i am now on wattpad. follow me @ coatlixue :)


	6. Chapter 6

**kevin.killer** to  **veronica.lodge**

**kevin.killer:** verONICa

**kevin.killer:** WAKE THE EFF UP

**kevin.killer:** veornica i am going to kill your girlfriend if you don't wake up rn

**veronica.lodge:** oh my god what

**veronica.lodge:** SOME OF US NEED SLEEP KELLER

**kevin.killer:** well i needed sleep too but was rudely awakened by cheryl using me as a human pillow

**veronica.lodge:** ... haha yeah should've told you she's a snuggler

**kevin.killer:** VERONICA SHE IS LIKE SERIOUSLY ATTACHED AND FOR SOME REASON ISN'T WAKING UP

**veronica.lodge:** just enjoy it, give into the moment

**kevin.killer:** no 

**kevin.killer:** come make her disengage

**kevin.killer:** i'll trade you and stay with betty

**veronica.lodge:** she said no couples sharing, betty may be sugar-sweet by day but i do not want to ignite her wrath

**kevin.killer:** she said no couples sharing ROOMS, she didn't say anything about a mattress

**veronica.lodge:** fine, but if she does all dark betty on me i'm throwing you in the methaphorical hot tub

**kevin.killer:** what even

**veronica.lodge:** nothing, nvm... i'm coming. but i'm taking a pic for blackmail before i take her tentacles off

-

**shithead** to  **"Get your head in the game."**

**shithead:** uhh...guys?

**shithead:** Why are Veronica and Cheryl on the mattress looking like they melted into each other?

**pussycat:** LMAO what

**kevin.killer:** i woke up last night to cheryl latching onto me and made veronica switch

**kevin.killer:** when betty wakes up she's gonna either lose it or love it idk what

**melodie:** Send a pic, I want to see what Cheryl looks like human

**pussycat:** omg mel stop, you see her be sweet

**melodie:** Yeah, once in a blue moon, and only to you

**melodie:** She called me a wannabe Effie White last time she came to rehearsal to pick you up

**melodie:** I don't even think she knows what that means, but she said it in such a tone that it still hurt

**shithead:** camera.jpg

**shithead:** Somebody has gotta come wake them up

**kevin.killer:** AWWW they look so cute

**melodie:** Oh wow, so that's what Cheryl Blossom looks like when she's not scowling

**melodie:** I feel the odd and sudden need to hug her

**pussycat:** melody why

**brown.girl:** I was trying to avoid entering this conversation, but seriously, why?

**melodie:** Bc she looks human and has a kind face when she sleeps

**pussycat:** why are we texting i'm literally in the same bed as you two

**brown.girl:** Bc I'd have to turn to look at you and I am not down to move

**kevin.killer:** BETTY'S AWAKE WATCH OUT

**shithead:** I'm on it.

**pussycat:** guys??? did anyone else hear a scream

**kevin.killer:** no i did too

**kevin.killer:** do you think that betty finally snapped and killed cheryl

**shithead:** Everything's good, everyone.

**shithead:** She was fangirl-screaming

**brown.girl:** wow this girl is so full of surprises

**shithead:** Everyone get in the living room we're gonna make breakfast

**shithead:** If you don't get here soon I'm eating it no excuses

-

**kevin.killer** to  **"Get your head in the game."**

**kevin.killer:** guys 

**kevin.killer:** what do you think would happen if cheryl was locked in a room with santana lopez, lydia martin, and alison dilaurentis? all in their season 1 phases

**archiekins:** why are you tihking about this rn

**kevin.killer:** you guys all left so i was left alone with my thoughts

**melodie:** Um? Josie and I are in the NEXT ROOM

**melodie:** The couples dipped but idk where even. I woke up and everyone was just gone. SNATCHED

**pussycat:** they left because we were having lunch and i said "really? you're gonna be in love right now? right in front of my salad?" 

**pussycat:** they don't appreciate my memes

**archiekins:** we went to the park

**archiekins:** but i saw a butterfly and lost val

**pussycat:** and to answer ur question kev, there would be murder

**veronica.lodge:** what did i walk into

**cherylbombshell:** I would win

**veronica.lodge:** sorry babe, but you would not

**veronica.lodge:** you're lowkey a softie

**cherylbombshell:** so is everyone there!!!

**melodie:** uh uh girl, Alison Dilaurentis season 1 had no soul

**kevin.killer:** cheryl might win she's pretty crazy

**veronica.lodge:** shut your mouth kevin

**cherylbombshell:** crazy in love with you kev <3

**kevin.killer:** ...

**melodie:** BAHAHAHAHAHA

**pussycat:** cheryl why

**cherylbombshell:** i love making kevin uncomfortable

**cherylbombshell:** and nothing makes him more uncomfortable than female advances

**kevin.killer:** Knock Knock you're a Bitch

**veronica.lodge:** leave cheryl alone

**shithead:** Stop being gay, Veronica

**veronica.lodge:** where the hell did you come from

**shithead:** I've been reading everything ya'll have sent but had nothing to say about it bc I don't know who those people are

**betty.boop:** Jughead we watched PLL together

**betty.boop:** You said you liked it, you dirty liar!

**betty.boop:** I talked your ear off about why Emison was endgame for like an hour straight

**shithead:** Oh rigghtttt, Allison haha yesssss

**veronica.lodge:** haha bug on my head is in trouble

**pussycat:** BAHAHAHAHA bug on my head i'm

**betty.boop:** Wow, so this is what it feels like,,, to be betrayed by the one you love,,, now I know the pain of having a knife wedged between my shoulders deep

**shithead:** Love?

**kevin.killer:** oh shit

**veronica.lodge:** o h  s h i t

**pussycat:** i feel mortified for betty

**kevin.killer:** veronica are you around them can you hear what's going on

**cherylbombshell:** no me and ronnie are on the other side of the park

**melodie:** I wish I had popcorn right now

**melodie:** and was there

**veronica.lodge:** i'll ask betty what happened later

**veronica.lodge:** but for now i gots ta get off my phone and go enjoy nature catch ya losers later

**kevin.killer:** "nature"

**pussycat:** we all know she meant she wanted to explore a lil something else

**melodie:** yeah like Cheryl's pussy

**kevin.killer:** EW melody you gotta stop

**melodie:** am i wrong?

**kevin.killer:** probably not, but that isn't the point

**kevin.killer:** the point is let's not talk about vaginas around Kevin because that makes him very UNCOMFORTABLE

**pussycat:** shut up damian, you're too gay to function

**kevin.killer:** i take offense, i have MANY functions, just ask joaquin ;)

-

**veronica.lodge** to  **betty.boop**

**veronica.lodge:** okay i respected your privacy for two hours 

**veronica.lodge:** now it's time for me to pry

**veronica.lodge:** what happened at the park

**betty.boop:** Honestly V I didn't even notice that I said it until later and

**betty.boop:** You know how Jughead is about feelings, I wanted him to say it first so we could go at his pace

**veronica.lodge:** what did he say babe

**betty.boop:** Nothing

**betty.boop:** He just kind of,,, shut down

**betty.boop:** And I kept telling him that he didn't have to say anything and we could pretend that it never happened but

**veronica.lodge:** betty i'm so sorry

**veronica.lodge:** but you know he really cares about you right?

**betty.boop:** How can I? He never says it

**betty.boop:** I'm tired of always being the one that loves so much more and ends up getting hurt

**betty.boop:** I get my hopes up and I get invested and it never works out

**veronica.lodge:** that boy loves you so much, betty

**veronica.lodge:** he looks at you like you hang the moon or something else cheesy like that

**veronica.lodge:** he's just... he's not used to being loved back

**betty.boop:** What?

**veronica.lodge:** think about it betts, everyone that he lets himself love so far has left. his dad, again and again. his mom and jellybean to toledo. archie, for grundy. he's just scared.

**veronica.lodge:** you have to be patient with him

**betty.boop:** You're right

**betty.boop:** It's just I have my stuff too and my issues make me crave constant affirmation and sometimes it gets to be a lot for me

**veronica.lodge:** i understand

**veronica.lodge:** just talk to him, okay? tonight. i'm sure kevin will be happy to take the couch, and you can stay with jug and talk things out

**betty.boop:** When did you get so smart?

**veronica.lodge:** not to be cheesy but i've learned a lot from cheryl

**veronica.lodge:** it sounds weird to say but her and jughead are kind of similar

**veronica.lodge:** bc of her parents she doesn't think she deserves for anyone to love her and needs reassurement sometimes that i'm still into her

**betty.boop:** Makes sense

**veronica.lodge:** but i know her, so i know that no matter how little she thinks she deserves me she'll stick around. i know you know jughead too so you have to trust him

**betty.boop:** You're right I just worry and doubt and stuff

**veronica.lodge:** the girls are planning a movie in the living room, okay? how about you unlock your door and come out of that nest of blankets i know you've buried yourself in 

**betty.boop:** but

**veronica.lodge:** the boys left, we were talking about our periods and they blasted like someone had lit their buttholes on fire

**betty.boop:** Okay

**betty.boop:** Ronnie?

**veronica.lodge:** yes my love

**betty.boop:** Can you come get me I'm stuck

**veronica.lodge:** oh my god did you burrito tangle yourself again

**betty.boop:** ...yes

**veronica.lodge:** omw

-

**cherylbombshell to pussycat, melodie, brown.girl**

**cherylbombshell:** guys,,, do you hear that

**pussycat:** yes but it is nun my business

**melodie:** Maybe we shouldn't have picked A Walk to Remember after what happened with Bughead

**brown.girl:** No shit

**brown.girl:** You bitches made Betty cry

**pussycat:** IT WASN'T MY INTENTION I JUST WANTED TO WATCH IT IT'S BEAUTIFUL

**brown.girl:** This wouldn't have happened if we had just watched Die Hard

**melodie:** Is somebody gonna go into that bathroom or

**pussycat:** none of us even know betty

**brown.girl:** Cheryl?

**cherylbombshell:** uh

**cherylbombshell:** no what if i say the wrong thing

**cherylbombshell:** i'm just going to make it worse

**pussycat:** where the fuck is veronica when you need her

**melodie:** She's out getting cheese fries

**brown.girl:** Cheryl you gotta go in there, you're our best bet and I can't hear that girl cry anymore it breaks my heart

**pussycat:** she is your cousin, after all

**cherylbombshell:** shut up

**melodie:** We know, Cheryl it's fine

**cherylbombshell:** fine i am going in there but you guys have to text veronica to get here asap because i don't know how to deal with other people's emotions

**cherylbombshell:** or my own emotions for that matter

**brown.girl:** JUST GO

**cherylbombshell:** alright jesus almighty help me

-

**pussycat** to  **veronica.lodge**

**pussycat:** veronica

**pussycat:** v-lo

**pussycat:** where are you

**veronica.lodge:** i just got to the food truck ya'll gotta wait

**pussycat:** ok but you have to get here as soon as possible

**pussycat:** it's betty

**veronica.lodge:** WHAT HAPPENED

**pussycat:** we were walking a walk to remember and she burst out crying and now she's in the bathroom and we sent cheryl in to do damage control but

**pussycat:** now that i think about it it feels a little like pouring gasoline on a fire

**veronica.lodge:** fuCK

**veronica.lodge:** okay screw your fries i'm on my way back

**pussycat:** aw shit but i was really craving them

-

**brown.girl** to  **pussycat, melodie**

**brown.girl:** Guys Cheryl has been in there for 20 minutes

**pussycat:** i know i'm worried

**melodie:** I told ya'll we should've waited for Veronica

**pussycat:** okay but there is no more crying coming out of that bathroom

**brown.girl:** yeah because Cheryl killed her

**pussycat:** how many times do i have to tell you guys cheryl isn't like that

**brown.girl:** You can tell us as many times as you want that doesn't mean I'll believe you

**melodie:** Jose you know we love Cheryl but she's a little unhinged

**melodie:** And a wee bit rude

**brown.girl:** And Betty is,,, fragile,,, to say the least

**melodie:** Guys they're coming out

**pussycat:** what the fuck

**pussycat:** is it just me or did cheryl,,, have her arm around betty,,, and not in a chokehold,,, 

**brown.girl:** And Betty wasn't crying

**melodie:** What kind of witchcraft

**pussycat:** i told you guys cheryl can be nice!!

**brown.girl:** Brujería

**pussycat:** so do you guys think this means i can call veronica and tell her to turn around and get the fries or

**melodie:** you can

**melodie:** you shouldn't

**melodie:** but you can

**pussycat:** imma do it

-

**veronica.lodge** to  **betty.boop**

**veronica.lodge:** hey babes?

**betty.boop:** yeah

**veronica.lodge:** the boys are back, just an fyi

**betty.boop:** Oh, okay

**veronica.lodge:** do you want me to send jughead in

**betty.boop:** Yes please

**veronica.lodge:** he's on his way,,, let me know how it goes

-

**kevin.killer** to  **"Get your head in the game"**

**kevin.killer:** what do you guys think is going on in there

**archiekins:** i don't know i can't hear anything

**veronica.lodge:** they're probably just talking things through

**cherylbombshell:** they've been in there for a while tho

**melodie:** Hopefully they're making up

**melodie:** They're my favorite couple and if they break up I'm going to fight them

**veronica.lodge:** why are they your fav couple

**melodie:** Because they aren't publicly indecent

**cherylbombshell:** to be fair they aren't indecent anywhere

**pussycat:** and you would know how?

**cherylbombshell:** have you seen them???

**cherylbombshell:** jughead blushes when betty pecks his cheek in public

**veronica.lodge:** cher's right

**kevin.killer:** i think jughead's ace

**archiekins:** no

**kevin.killer:** how would you know

**archiekins:** because he told me, he's demisexual

**archiekins:** which does not mean "sexually attracted to demi lovato" like i thought it did

**archiekins:** if it did i would be demisexual too because goddamn

**brown.girl:** Good to know

**archiekins:** wait i didn't mean it like that

**brown.girl:** Boy I'm teasing I don't care, Demi Lovato is hot as fuCK

**archiekins:** are you bi too

**archiekins:** i'm working on what all the lil labels mean

**brown.girl:** I'm not queer, girls are just pretty and I know how to appreciate it

**veronica.lodge:** oh god, jughead being demi makes so much sense how did i not figure it out before

**veronica.lodge:** dammit lodge

**cherylbombshell:** it's okay baby none of us knew

**archiekins:** i knew

**veronica.lodge:** i pride myself on my gaydar,,, and archie knew before me,,,

**kevin.killer:** wait aren't the pussycats in the room next to them

**kevin.killer:** girls what do you hear

**pussycat:** we hear the heathers soundtrack because that's what we are listening to

**brown.girl:** I am not putting my ear to the wall like some privacy disrespecting thirteen year old

**melodie:** I would do it but Val won't let me

**melodie:** She's got like,,, morals and shit

**kevin.killer:** can't relate

**kevin.killer:** i'm gonna go put my ear to the door

**archiekins:** Kevin you shouldnt

**kevin.killer:** no i shouldn't

**kevin.killer:** but that's never stopped me before so

**veronica.lodge:** for the record, i'm just putting it out there that i do not agree to this

**kevin.killer:** yeah because you know you're going to get 300% of the information from betty as soon as they're done

**kevin.killer:** us mere mortals have to take matters into our own hands

**cherylbombshell:** for the record i don't agree with this either, so if either one of them asks i'm 100 percent throwing you under the bus

**kevin.killer:** fine

**cherylbombshell:** ... but what do you hear

**kevin.killer:** omg guys,,, i'm

**kevin.killer:** 90 percent sure that they're making out

**melodie:** FUCK YES

**melodie:** My ship is still sailing

**melodie:** My skin cleared, my depression is gone, the clouds parted, and all is well in the world again

**pussycat:** omg mel you're so dramatic

**melodie:** Dramatic who? I don't know her

-

**betty.boop** to  **veronica.lodge**

**betty.boop:** Ronnie are you awake

**veronica.lodge:** yes

**veronica.lodge:** i've been waiting for the hot tea ever since i sent jughead in your room

**betty.boop:** omg Veronica you're too much

**veronica.lodge:** yeah yeah i suck now tell me what happened

**betty.boop:** I apologized when he came in and told him that I wanted it to come out differently and I'm sorry it put him in an awkward position

**betty.boop:** But I guess I was rambling because he cut me off and he told me he loves me too

**veronica.lodge:** BETTY <3

**betty.boop:** I know I'm so happy !!

**betty.boop:** And you were right, he explained that he was scared and apologized for making me cry and it was so sweet and I'm so happy and I love him so much 

**veronica.lodge:** babe i'm so happy for you

**betty.boop:** Look at us, V

**betty.boop:** In love and happy and friends

**veronica.lodge:** i'm so proud of us

**betty.boop:** I love you Ronnie, I'm so greatful that I have you in my life <3

**veronica.lodge:** aw betty me too, you're the best friend i've ever had

**betty.boop:** BUT can we talk about how you didn't deny being in love with Cheryl

**veronica.lodge:** oh shit

**veronica.lodge:** oh no

**veronica.lodge:** oh fuCK

**veronica.lodge:** what am i supposed to do now

**betty.boop:** Take your own advice, Ronnie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I have no excuse except that I've been binge watching New Girl and was out of ideas. There was a good amount of Bughead in this chapter, which was not really my intention but sometimes these characters have minds of their own.
> 
> If anyone has any ideas for future chapters I would be more than happy to hear them, sometimes it takes a while for me to come up with my own so you would most likely be speeding up the process!


	7. Chapter 7

**pussycat to "Get your head in the game"**

**pussycat:** so i have a question

**pussycat:** specifically for betty and cheryl but male white ppl feel free to step in

**pussycat:** why is it that white girls only have three options for middle names: anne, marie, and elizabeth???

**veronica.lodge:** HAHA THAT'S TRUE

**betty.boop:** No it's not :(

**shithead:** Betty your middle name is Anne

**betty.boop:** okay true but

**betty.boop:** I'm sure not ALL white girls have those three middle names

**betty.boop:** Cheryl??

**cherylbombshell:** ...

**cherylbombshell:** my middle name is marie

**brown.girl:** OMG

**melodie:** Ha white people are so wack

**veronica.lodge:** okay but if they don't put spices on their chicken how you expect them to spice up their names

**pussycat:** hey ya'll that's not true, they put mayo on everything

**archiekins:** what's this, the pussycats hate on white people special????

**brown.girl:** yes

**brown.girl:** I'm changing the name to that

**brown.girl has changed the chat name to "Pussycats hate on white people special!"**

**betty.boop:** okay but

**betty.boop:** What are your middle names?

**veronica.lodge:** not anne that's for sure

**betty.boop:** Ron how do I not know your middle name?

**veronica.lodge:** you never asked

**veronica.lodge:** my middle name is the anne of latinas

**veronica.lodge:** guadalupe

**archiekins:** YOUR MIDDLE NAME IS GUACAMOLE???

**veronica.lodge:** archie you cannot be fucking serious

**pussycat:** guadalupe is the spanish name for the virgin you uncultured swine

**pussycat:** we took spanish TOGETHER

**archiekins:** i was joking guys :/

**archiekins:** god it's so hard to be a straight white man and make a joke nowadays

**brown.girl:** Are

**melodie:** You

**veronica.lodge:** Fucking

**pussycat:** Kidding

**cherylbombshell:** Me

**betty.boop:** ???

**archiekins:** sorry girls i was making a joke again

**archiekins:** i swear i wasn't being serious

**pussycat:** you best not have been serious

-

**pussycat** to  **veronica.lodge**

**pussycat:** veronica we need to talk

**pussycat:** it's important please answer

**veronica.lodge:** hey josie what's up? is it about the band? i didn't miss rehearsal again did i

**pussycat:** no it's not that

**pussycat:** it's about cheryl

**veronica.lodge:** are you going to give me the 'if you hurt my girl i'll kill you talk' because cheryl and i have been together for a few months and i think that's supposed to happen near the beginning of the relationship

**pussycat:** no, i assumed that was implied

**pussycat:** look, i heard something and i don't know how true it is but

**pussycat:** it can be bad

**veronica.lodge:** what's going on?

**pussycat:** ginger's saying that she saw you and cheryl at the park and that she has a picture of the two of you kissing

**pussycat:** if it IS true, the picture will be everywhere by tomorrow, maybe earlier

**veronica.lodge:** oh shit

**veronica.lodge:** what do i do

**pussycat:** i don't know, v

**pussycat:** look it's really not my place to tell you much because cheryl is my best friend but if it's true i don't think it's safe for her to be in that house right now

**veronica.lodge:** josie...

**veronica.lodge:** do her parents hurt her

**veronica.lodge:** and do you think they had anything to do with jason's death

**pussycat:** i told you, veronica, it's not my place to say anything

**pussycat:** just talk to cheryl, okay?

-

**veronica.lodge** to  **cherylbombshell**

**veronica.lodge:** hey babe?

**cherylbombshell:** hey ronnie!! <3

**veronica.lodge:** where are you right now?

**cherylbombshell:** at thornhill, i have that dinner tonight D:

**cherylbombshell:** i thought i told you?

**veronica.lodge:** oh right...

**veronica.lodge:** i must've forgotten

**cherylbombshell:** is everything okay?

**veronica.lodge:** are you busy right now? i wanna talk

**cherylbombshell:** i'm not busy, everyone's downstairs

**cherylbombshell:** what's wrong ronnie?

**veronica.lodge:** god i wish i didn't have to text this

**cherylbombshell:** are you breaking up with me

**veronica.lodge:** whaT? NO

**veronica.lodge:** look there's a rumor that ginger saw us at the park and took a picture where we're kissing

**veronica.lodge:** and that she's going to send it out to the everyone tomorrow

**cherylbombshell:** oh

**veronica.lodge:** cheryl i'm so sorry

**cherylbombshell:** it's not your fault

**cherylbombshell:** i should have been more careful

**veronica.lodge:** cheryl, baby

**veronica.lodge:** you can't blame yourself, okay? it's not anyone's fault

**veronica.lodge:** except maybe ginger's

**cherylbombshell:** what am i supposed to do, v?

**veronica.lodge:** we'll figure it out, okay? everything is going to work itself out

**cherylbombshell:** you don't understand

**cherylbombshell:** my family isn't yours, veronica. my mother isn't yours.

**veronica.lodge:** cheryl...

**veronica.lodge:** do they hurt you?

**veronica.lodge:** i mean that night after our sleepover your mom seemed  to be pretty angry

**cherylbombshell:** veronica i 

**cherylbombshell:** i don't think right now is the time or the place to get into this

**veronica.lodge:** but there is something to get into?

**cherylbombshell:** ...yes

**cherylbombshell:** and i'll tell you

**cherylbombshell:** but not right now

**veronica.lodge:** that's fair

**veronica.lodge:** when's the dinner over?

**cherylbombshell:** maybe like nine-ish

**cherylbombshell:** why

**veronica.lodge:** you're staying at mine tonight, okay? i don't want you in that house when they find out

**veronica.lodge:** i'll pick you up at nine

**veronica.lodge:** that'll give us some time to talk about things and face the music together tomorrow

**cherylbombshell:** okay

**cherylbombshell:** veronica?

**veronica.lodge:** yes?

**cherylbombshell:** do you really think everything's gonna work out?

**veronica.lodge:** absolutely

**veronica.lodge:** everything happens for a reason cheryl, you just have to believe that

**cherylbombshell:** even if my family ends up disowning me and kicking me out of the house?

**veronica.lodge:** you have a family outside of thornhill cheryl. i'll be there for you, so will betty and josie and the cats and even archie and jug

**veronica.lodge:** you have people who care about you and will stand by you, alright?

**cherylbombshell:** for some reason that's hard to believe

**cherylbombshell:** the only person who i ever let myself believe would stay was ripped away from me and i still don't know who did it

**veronica.lodge:** he didn't CHOOSE to leave you cheryl, and we definitely won't either

**cherylbombshell:** i don't think i'm going to be able to get through this dinner

**cherylbombshell:** can you come get me?

**veronica.lodge:** i'm on my way

-

**veronica.lodge to betty.boop**

**veronica.lodge:** betty are you up?

**veronica.lodge:** i know it's 3 am but i really need to talk

**betty.boop:** Yeah Ronnie, what's up?

**veronica.lodge:** so ginger took a picture of me and cheryl kissing at the park and she's going to leak it to everyone tomorrow

**veronica.lodge:** or i guess later today

**betty.boop:** oh my god Ronnie I'm sorry

**betty.boop:** Do you want me to call you?

**veronica.lodge:** no, cheryl just fell asleep and i don't want to wake her

**betty.boop:** Are you at thornhill?

**veronica.lodge:** no i brought her to mine

**veronica.lodge:** betty i just don't know what to do

**veronica.lodge:** her parents are the worst and i just don't know how to help her

**betty.boop:** I don't know what to say Veronica, that's rough

**veronica.lodge:** she told me tonight that her parents have laid hands on her, betty

**veronica.lodge:** and none of us even knew or noticed

**betty.boop:** oh God poor Cheryl

**veronica.lodge:** i should've known, i should've done something

**betty.boop:** Veronica there's no way you could've known, you can't blame yourself for that

**veronica.lodge:** the night of the memorial i saw her mom grab her

**veronica.lodge:** she didn't hit her or anything, and i assumed it was a one time thing

**veronica.lodge:** i should have done something

**betty.boop:** Ronnie...

**veronica.lodge:** she's been through so much and now ginger and her stupid posse are going to ruin  one thing that she still has

**betty.boop:** You're getting too in your head about this, V

**betty.boop:** When she came into that bathroom with me she told me that what I have with Jughead and what she has with you are examples of the kind of love that is not only given to you but teaches you how to love yourself as well

**betty.boop:** That it's a blessing

**veronica.lodge:** she said that?

**betty.boop:** Yes

**betty.boop:** Veronica, that girl adores you and you are one of the things that she still has. All you can do right now is be there for her

**betty.boop:** You don't have to fight her battles for her

**betty.boop:** You just have to let her know that she's not alone

**veronica.lodge:** you're right

**veronica.lodge:** i'm just protective of her

**betty.boop:** And you should be, that girl deserves to have people on her side

**veronica.lodge:** in other news,,,

**veronica.lodge:** guess who followed her own advice and said i love you to her girlfriend tonight?

**betty.boop:** Hmm... Melody?

**veronica.lodge:** omg as if 

**betty.boop:** jk Ronnie, I'm proud of you

**veronica.lodge:** it felt right for her to know that

**veronica.lodge:** especially now

**veronica.lodge:** guess who also lost her girl-virginity tonight???

**betty.boop:** WHAT

**veronica.lodge:** after i said i love you and she said it back

**veronica.lodge:** it just sort of happened

**betty.boop:** omg #cheronica #otp

**betty.boop:** How was it?

**veronica.lodge:** amazing

**veronica.lodge:** well, awkward, because neither one of us really knew what we were doing all that much

**veronica.lodge:** but we figured it out

**veronica.lodge:** and feelings really do make it so much better

**betty.boop:** dammit Veronica you couldn't have waited another week

**veronica.lodge:** que?

**betty.boop:** Juggy and I made a bet on how long you'd last

**betty.boop:** I said four months and he said three

**betty.boop:** Don't get me wrong I'm really really happy for you and I WILL expect details but now I'm out ten bucks

-

**betty.boop to shithead, melodie, pussycat, brown.girl, archiekins, kevin.killer**

**betty.boop:** Have you guys heard from Ronnie or Cheryl

**melodie:** Cheryl wasn't in first period 2day

**kevin.killer:** Neither was Ronnie

**archiekins:** the whole school is talking about them, maybe they just didn't want to deal with it

**betty.boop:** I know but I texted Ronnie a bunch of times and she didn't answer

**pussycat:** they're okay, cheryl texted me a few minutes ago

**pussycat:** her parents wanted her home so veronica gave her a ride

**shithead:** Is it a good idea for her to be at Thornhill right now?

**pussycat:** no but she's stubborn

**brown.girl:** Ya think she's okay?

**betty.boop:** I think Veronica isn't going to let her go in alone, Cheryl may be stubborn but not as stubborn as Ronnie

**archiekins:** god this sucks man, fucking reggie and the guys are being gross and i want to punch them

**shithead:** What are they saying man?

**archiekins:** you know how those dudes are, man

**archiekins:** cheryl and ronnie are both hot girls and they don't know how to be respectful

**shithead:** Let's beat em up

**archiekins:** but i'm in algebra 2

**betty.boop:** Nobody is beating anyone up!

**archiekins:** betty these dudes deserve it

**archiekins:** once i'm done with this sohcahtoa crap i'm gonna welcome their face to my fist

**betty.boop:** I don't doubt that but there's more of them than there is of you and I don't want anyone getting in trouble

**pussycat:** the white girl's right ya'll, plus cheryl and veronica aren't going to want that kind of attention

**pussycat:** the good thing is most people aren't being judgy about it

**pussycat:** most are actually mad at ginger for leaking that picture

**brown.girl:** yeah, it's 2017, I don't know what Ginger was expecting to happen

**brown.girl:** Riverdale's a small town but not that small

**pussycat:** small enough that cheryl's parents aren't going to be happy

**melodie:** Man it's 2017, half of this country is on fire and the other half is about to be obliterated by hurricanes, why do her parents even care???

**pussycat:** they don't care that she's gay they care that she's doing something that goes against what they want from her 

**betty.boop:** I feel like we should do something

**shithead:** Me too, it feels wrong to just wait around like this

**pussycat:** well we can't fix whatever's going on at thornhill

**pussycat:** but maybe we can do something special to make it a little bit more bearable

**betty.boop:** Like what?

**pussycat:** i have a plan, and like all of my plans, it involves music

**melodie:** Are we gonna pull a glee?

**pussycat:** we are gonna pull a glee

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, sorry for the long wait, school's kicking my ass to hell and back.
> 
> If anyone has any ideas on what song they should glee it up with, let me know because I don't plan things in advance. Also, I am fresh out of ideas on what to do with this next so drop any below. I'm trying to see if I can get this to ten or fifteen chapters, but we'll see depending on if I have anywhere else to go with this.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To ease confusion, here is a clarification for what I'm keeping from canon and what never happened: Jason died but they don't know who did it (yet, idk if i'm going to have them solve it), FP was imprisoned but for some of his other gang-related crimes, Hiram Lodge is coming home soon, Clifford Blossom is alive.

**pussycat to shithead, melodie, betty.boop, brown.girl, archiekins, kevin.killer**

**pussycat has changed the chat name to "Pulling a Glee with style and grace"**

**pussycat:** okay, i talked to the music teacher about getting us in there and he can fit us in Thursday

 **shithead:** That is very soon

 **pussycat:** yeah that's kind of the point, we're trying to make them feel better sooner rather than later

 **brown.girl:** What r we gonna sing?

 **pussycat:** idk

 **kevin.killer:** um yeah... i don't sing

 **shithead:** me neither, i literally have no idea what i'm doing here

 **betty.boop:** But we want them to know that they can count on all of us

 **shithead:** Look, Betty, trust me you do not want me to sing with you guys

 **shithead:** Veronica and Cheryl will run out terrified that someone is dying

 **pussycat:** fine you and kevin can stand and sway

 **brown.girl:** We should sing "We're all in this together" from HSM

 **melodie:** Valerie why are you like this

 **brown.girl:** It's a good song!

 **pussycat:** Yeah, no, we are not doing that.

 **betty.boop:** What about "Home"?

 **kevin.killer:** betty we are not singing philip phillips

 **betty.boop:** No, the Edward Sharp and Magnetic Zeros song

 **pussycat:** betty you're a genius

 **melodie:** Josie's right, that is perfectttt!

 **pussycat:** mel meet me at val's house so we can put together an arrangement

 **brown.girl:** Of course you can come over Josie! Thanks for asking, you're always sooo respectful

 **pussycat:** shut up val, i know you weren't doing anything

 **pussycat:** i see your twitter full of reaction tweets to the Bachelorette

 **brown.girl:** Still would've been nice to ask!

 **melodie:** Josie, she takes the Bachelorette very seriously.

-

**veronica.lodge to shithead**

**veronica.lodge:** hey

 **shithead:** Did you somehow butt-text me?

 **veronica.lodge:** no

 **shithead:** Uhhh, I didn't do anything did I?

 **veronica.lodge:** no i need your advice

 **shithead:** Mine? Pero why

 **veronica.lodge:** it's about cheryl

 **shithead:** but why me

 **shithead:** Why not Betty?

 **veronica.lodge:** because you have experience with this sort of thing, jughead. and we all know deep down you care

 **shithead:** Alright, fine. What's going on?

 **veronica.lodge:** i want to know about how cheryl can get away from her parents legally

 **shithead:** Did they kick her out?

 **veronica.lodge:** no

 **veronica.lodge:** they're not happy, but want to keep up appearances after all of the jason drama.

 **shithead:** Then what's the problem?

 **veronica.lodge:** i don't want her in that house

 **veronica.lodge:** i know you um.. lived on your own for a while when your dad was off with the serpents

 **shithead:** You can say homeless, Veronica

 **shithead:** I never legally separated from my dad or anything, so I can't really help you there

 **veronica.lodge:** i would just have her stay with me but my dad is coming home soon, and mom has turned into lady macbeth i s2g

 **shithead:** Have you tried talking to Cheryl about reporting her parents to the police?

 **veronica.lodge:** the blossoms own this town, including the police. sherriff keller is useless

 **shithead:** You're right. I'm going to be moving into FP's trailer soon. I know it's not up to Blossom standards but if Cheryl ever needs somewhere to stay she can definitely stay with me. I'll even take the couch

 **veronica.lodge:** is the foster family not panning out?

 **shithead:** They're fine, I'd just rather be alone and nobody is using the trailer anyways.

 **veronica.lodge:** makes sense. well, thanks jughead. for offering the trailer.. and for talking to me

 **shithead:** No problem, V. I know I don't have red hair, or a blonde ponytail for that matter... but I'm here if you need me.

 **veronica.lodge:** likewise, burger boy.

-

**veronica.lodge to cherylbombshell**

**veronica.lodge:** hey babe, are you awake?

 **cherylbombshell:** yeah

 **cherylbombshell:** what's up?

 **veronica.lodge:** i just wanted to check in on you, i know it's been a rough day. how are you doing?

 **cherylbombshell:** okay

 **veronica.lodge:** how are you really?

 **cherylbombshell:** not great but

 **cherylbombshell:** my parents are out. they went to some dinner thing, so i'm okay right now

 **veronica.lodge:** are they... okay right now?

 **cherylbombshell:** if you're asking if they've touched me they haven't

 **cherylbombshell:** i think they're going for the ignoring my existence approach

 **veronica.lodge:** i'm sorry

 **cherylbombshell:** don't be, it's better than the alternative

 **veronica.lodge:** if they do anything do you promise you'll tell me?

 **cherylbombshell:** i promise

 **cherylbombshell:** if anything this just makes me miss jason

 **cherylbombshell:** he was my fiercest protector when it came to my parents, the only person who really understood what it was like to live in that house

 **veronica.lodge:** did they hurt him too?

 **cherylbombshell:** never

 **cherylbombshell:** jason was the apple of their eye

 **cherylbombshell:** my parents always wanted a boy, someone to pass along the business to. i was part of the package they didn't sign up for

 **cherylbombshell:** i know they wish i would have died instead of him

 **veronica.lodge:** cheryl, baby...

 **cherylbombshell:** i used to wish that too, at first. i thought, what's the point, you know? without jason?

 **veronica.lodge:** babe :(

 **cherylbombshell:** i thought about going down to sweetwater river and just letting myself fall and float until i couldn't anymore, and then letting the current take me under so i could finally be with him again

 **veronica.lodge:** baby, why didn't you tell anyone?

 **cherylbombshell:** i didn't think anyone would care

 **veronica.lodge:** you don't think that anymore do you?

 **cherylbombshell:** no. honestly, i know this sounds cliche but you helped a lot. the thought that someone else could see something in me i couldn't see in myself really made me appreciate things more

 **cherylbombshell:** you saved me, veronica lodge.

 **veronica.lodge:** no way, cheryl blossom.

 **veronica.lodge:** you saved yourself. i was just lucky enough to be brought along for the ride.

-

**pussycat to "Pulling a Glee with style and grace"**

**pussycat:** is everyone ready to go?

 **melodie:** hold on I gotta change my tampon

 **brown.girl:** I gotta wait for Melody to change her tampon

 **pussycat:** oh my god you two are useless, where is everyone else?

 **betty.boop:** Juggy and I are coming, we got held up at the Blue and Gold

 **kevin.killer:** "Held up" we all know what that means

 **brown.girl:** yeah they were having fun ;)

 **brown.girl:** probably off solving anagrams from old criminal cases

 **brown.girl:** We all know they get off on that typa kinky shit

 **betty.boop:**... Shut up

 **betty.boop:** Anyway, I'm here

 **shithead:** Me too

 **brown.girl:** No shit, diphead, ya'll were together

 **shithead:** If you know how that makes me feel then why would you say that

 **pussycat:** oh my god shut up. betty and jughead if you two don't get off your phones and help me hook up the sound system i s2g

 **pussycat:** and val and mel, how long does it take to change a tampon? shove it up your va jay jay and GOOOO. we have stuff to do

 **archiekins:** wait, tampons go inside the hole?

 **betty.boop:** Oh my god, Archie...

 **brown.girl:** Yes

 **archiekins:** so if you use one do you lose your virginity to the tampon?

 **pussycat:** ya'll we do not have time to deal with andrews' stupidity today

 **pussycat:** google is free, carrot top

 **pussycat:** also get your pasty white ass over here, everyone is here except you

 **archiekins:** coming sorry

 **pussycat:** alright, kevin. archie is here, bring cher and vee over.

 **kevin.killer:** MA'AM YES MA'AM

-

**shithead to "Pussycats hate on white people special"**

**shithead:** I am still so shook at the fact that we saw Cheryl cry

 **shithead:** Like I knew in theory Cheryl had feelings but wow

 **kevin.killer:** hard same tbh

 **melodie:** SEE, VAL? I TOLD YOU IT WASN'T JUST ME

 **brown.girl:** You are all overreacting

 **cherylbombshell:** you guys know i can see this right?

 **shithead:** shit wrong chat

 **cherylbombshell:** and i am sorry,,, for being touched,,, by a Kind Action,,,,i wont do it again

 **pussycat:** HA

 **veronica.lodge:** cheryl get off the phone and come pay attention to me

 **archiekins:** oooo someone is in trouble

 **cherylbombshell:** what are you gonna do, ronnie, punish me?

 **melodie:** OH MY GOD

 **brown.girl:** NOT ON MY WATCH, NOT ON MY WATCH

 **pussycat:** stop it. get some help.

 **melodie:** IT'S TIME TO STOP. IT'S TIME TO STOP, OKAY? NO MORE. WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOUR PARENTS? WHO ARE YOUR PARENTS? I'M GONNA CALL CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES. IT'S TIME TO STOP.

 **cherylbombshell:** oh my ghoaoemf aoga a gruieha; ;p0

 **betty.boop:** What?

 **melodie:** Yeah Cheryl is 100% eating pussy rn

 **archiekins:** lucky

 **brown.girl:** Come over and you can be lucky too ;)

 **melodie:** AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **pussycat:** val what the fuck is wrong with you

 **pussycat:** private chats exist okay, let's start using them

 **archiekins:** on my way!

 **pussycat:** jesus fu cking c rh rist

 **pussycat:** i never ask to suffer but i still do

 **melodie:** To be fair, Josie, is there anything better than pussy?

 **brown.girl:** YeS, A REALLY GOOD BOOK

 **shithead:** why are you all like this

 **betty.boop:** Juggy shh you're worse

**pussycat:**

┏┓  
┃┃╱╲ in  
┃╱╱╲╲ this  
╱╱╭╮╲╲house  
▔▏┗┛▕▔ we  
╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲  
don't talk about pussy when  
there are single people around  
╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲  
▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔

**shithead:**

┏┓  
┃┃╱╲ in  
┃╱╱╲╲ this  
╱╱╭╮╲╲house  
▔▏┗┛▕▔ we  
╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲  
don't reuse age old memes  
╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲  
▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔

 **betty.boop:** How are you guys doing that?

 **shithead:** Just copy and paste it Juliet

 **pussycat:** Juliet?

 **kevin.killer:** They call themselves Romeo and Juliet

 **pussycat:** oh wow

 **pussycat:** i am disgusted

 **betty.boop:** Hey!

 **melodie:** Don't take it personally Betty, Josie is just sad because she doesn't have a man and it's cuffing season

**pussycat:**

┏┓  
┃┃╱╲ in  
┃╱╱╲╲ this  
╱╱╭╮╲╲house  
▔▏┗┛▕▔ we  
╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲  
don't expose our friend's insecurities  
without their consent  
╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲  
▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔

 **melodie:** sorry Josie but it's true

 **betty.boop:** aw, girl you're gorgeous <3\. boys are gonna be knocking down your door soon don't even worry about it.

 **melodie:** Yeah, Josie. I'm sure you'll get your pussy ate real soon

 **melodie:** For now just have some solo fun ;)

 **pussycat:** OKAY ENOUGH ALREADY

 **pussycat:** I AM CHANGING THE SUBJECT

 **shithead:** Betty can I come over?

 **melodie:** ha are you trynna eat pussy too

 **shithead:** no you cretin, I just wanna talk

 **betty.boop:** My mom's here and not happy, but I can come to the trailer?

 **shithead:** Yeah that would be good

 **betty.boop:** Is everything okay?

 **shithead:** yeah I just have some news

-

**betty.boop to veronica.lodge**

**betty.boop:** Hey Ronnie

 **veronica.lodge:** hey betts! sorry for the lag cheryl just left

 **betty.boop:** It's okay

 **veronica.lodge:** what's up b?

 **betty.boop:** Jughead told me he's moving to Southside High

 **veronica.lodge:** what why

 **betty.boop:** His social worker still thinks he's living with the foster family, so she wants him to go to Southside High

 **betty.boop:** And since he doesn't want them to find out he's living by himself

 **veronica.lodge:** damn, is he okay?

 **betty.boop:** He's trying to act un-phased

 **betty.boop:** But I can tell he's scared

 **veronica.lodge:** southside high is not a place to mess with, that's for sure

 **betty.boop:** Also

 **betty.boop:** We were talking and we almost... ya know

 **veronica.lodge: "** almost?" yikes, what happened?

 **betty.boop:** Things got complicated

 **betty.boop:** In a "my boyfriend may be joining the serpents" kind of way

 **veronica.lodge:** WHAT

 **betty.boop:** Apparently the serpents found out FP is in jail for all the crap he pulled on Mr. Andrews and one of the rules of being a serpent is that if a member is imprisoned you take care of their family

 **betty.boop:** So they interrupted us and gave him a serpent jacket

 **veronica.lodge:** oh my god

 **betty.boop:** I'm scared, Vee. I want to support him, but a gang? And Southside High?

 **betty.boop:** He's gonna be in danger over there. It's not just idiots ike Reggie Mantle anymore, this is serious.

 **veronica.lodge:** i know what you mean, B.

 **veronica.lodge:** do you want me to talk to him?

 **betty.boop:** No, that's okay. I'm gonna wait it out

-

**kevin.killer to "Pussycats hate on white people special."**

**kevin.killer:** Jughead you're joining the serpents???

 **melodie:** bish whaat

 **veronica.lodge:** so much for waiting it out

 **shithead:** Betty you told him?

 **betty.boop:** What? No.

 **kevin.killer:** joaquin told me you lunkhead. what are you thinking?

 **shithead:** I'm not joining the serpents. They just gave me a jacket.

 **shithead:** And it might be nice to have them on my side while I'm going to SSH, less dangerous.

 **pussycat:** jughead the serpents are criminals

 **brown.girl:** They aren't to be fucked with, Jughead. Seriously

 **kevin.killer:** okay, ya'll they are not that bad.

 **veronica.lodge:** kevin this isn't just about your boyfriend, okay? jughead you CANNOT join a gang

 **archiekins:** bro, they're right. not everyone is like joaquin over there

 **shithead:** The Serpents aren't bad people, they've just been dealt shitty life situations

 **brown.girl:** That may be true, Jughead, but that doesn't change the fact that they're dangerous

 **shithead:** I'll be fine

 **pussycat:** you're stubborn as hell

 **shithead:** Look, my dad led these guys, okay? And he's gonna be in jail for a while so this is the closest thing to him I'll have in a while

 **betty.boop:** Juggy...

 **shithead:** So can we drop this?

 **archiekins:** fine

 **veronica.lodge:** speaking of dads, guess whose dad is coming home in a week?

 **pussycat:** oh   s h it

 **betty.boop:** You good V?

 **veronica.lodge:** yeah it's kind of surreal

 **veronica.lodge:** idk how i'm going to face him knowing what he's done

 **cherylbombshell:** wait

 **cherylbombshell:** does this mean i'm going to have to meet him?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the super-long wait, I was fresh out of ideas. Writing this chapter was like pulling a tooth, but I have some ideas for the next one so hopefully that one will be out faster.
> 
> Let me know who (if anyone) you would like to see Josie with, it would help. Toni will be introduced as well (without breaking up Bughead bc she deserves a better storyline than that), so if you have any requests for her let me know!


	9. Chapter 9

**kevin.killer has changed the chat name to "SPOOKY SLUTS"**

**kevin.killer:** ya'll are coming to my halloween party right?

**pussycat:** better this than the grope-fest that is the football party, i'm in

**brown.girl:** If you're going, so will Mel and I. 

**betty.boop:** Um, I don't have a costume. I usually don't dress up

**veronica.lodge:** whAT?? b, why not?

**betty.boop:** I'm too old to trick or treat and I never get invited anywhere?

**kevin.killer:** okay, well, this year you're invited so better get something together

**betty.boop:** uhhh ok

**betty.boop:** Juggy what are you dressing up as?

**shithead:** I wasn't aware that I was

**shithead:** I usually sit this stuff out

**cherylbombshell:** wow, you guys are lame.

**betty.boop:** Idk Kevin it's not really my scene, and if Jughead isn't going then what's the point

**veronica.lodge:** OH come ONNN, betts, you have to come. it's my last night of freedom before my dad comes home

**cherylbombshell:** and jughead's before going to the drug-infested hellhole that is southside high

**cherylbombshell:** i have a harley quinn costume from last year you can borrow if you can't find anything

**kevin.killer:** perfectttt,, and shithead u can be the joker

**betty.boop:** Um,,, no? Their relationship is abusive and awful and should not be romantiziced?

**shithead:** Betty's right

**melodie:** Sorry, Kev, I'm with them on this one. 

**kevin.killer:** welllll what are you guys dressing up as?

**cherylbombshell:** poison ivy

**veronica.lodge:** REALLY?

**veronica.lodge:** bitch ur gonna look poppin

**veronica.lodge:** i'm gonna be wonder woman

**pussycat:** aw hoW cute

**pussycat:** the girls and I are going as the Dreamgirls

**pussycat:** letting our fro's out for this one

**kevin.killer:** Helllll YEAH

**archiekins:** im gna be spoderman

**betty.boop:** Okay, just dug around my closet aaannnd I still fit in my Nancy Drew costume from eighth grade so that's what were going with

**veronica.lodge:** betty how do u still fit in that

**betty.boop:** Well it was a lot less... slutty in eighth grade but

**betty.boop:** It will have to do

**cherylbombshell:** HAHA i can't wait to see jughead's stupid face when he sees you in that

**shithead:** heY

**cherylbombshell:** it's a good thing, dumbass, i'm calling your girlfriend hot

**cherylbombshell:** she is part blossom after all

**melodie:** *hits blunt* Is she part Blossom or are you part Cooper?

**pussycat:** oh my god melody, smoke any more weed and your last brain cell is going to fry

**melodie:** Will the weed fry my brain cells or will my brain cells fry the weed???

**shithead:** Okay, whatever Cheryl.

**shithead:** You know, if you're going to be staying with me, you should probably work on being a little bit nicer.

**pussycat:** WhAT?

**cherylbombshell:** damn it jughead i told you to keep in on the low

**brown.girl:** "Keep it on the low"? What is this, a drug deal?

**betty.boop:** WhO CARES? JUGHEAD WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

**veronica.lodge:** cheryl is gonna be staying at the trailer with jughead for a little while

**betty.boop:** Why

**cherylbombshell:** just until things cool down with my parents

**betty.boop:** Oh, okay.

**betty.boop:** Is everything... alright with them?

**cherylbombshell:** alright cooper let's take this out of here

-

**cherylbombshell to betty.boop**

**cherylbombshell:** so veronica told you huh

**betty.boop:** Um, yeah. But don't be mad at her she just wanted to know what she should do!

**cherylbombshell:** ahhhh that girl

**cherylbombshell:** i'm not mad though, i know that she's just trying to help

**betty.boop:** Look, I'm glad that you've found somewhere to stay with Jughead

**betty.boop:** But if you ever need another place to crash you can stay at mine

**cherylbombshell:** and ignite the wrath of alice cooper?

**betty.boop:** You don't worry about that, I'll deal with her.

**betty.boop:** Besides, we're cousins, she can't exactly say no

**cheryl.bombshell:** ... thanks, betty.

-

**melodie to "SPOOKY SLUTS"**

**melodie:** so do you think Cheryl has cussed Betty out yet or

**pussycat:** melody how many times i got to tell you cheryl isn't like that

**melodie:** U can tell me as many times as you want, that doesn't mean I'm going to believe it.

**brown.girl:** it's kind of weird how nice Cheryl's been lately

**veronica.lodge:** heY, she's always been nice

**melodie:** Yeah, to you. Cause she's always wanted to eat ur booty like groceries

**archiekins:** okay, ew

**pussycat:** it's not really that weird guys

**kevin.killer:** it is slightly out of character for cheryl but i kinda like it ngl

**pussycat:** OK but, mean girl with a tough home life goes thru something traumatic, finds love, and decides to become a nicer person as a result? that's pretty standard trashy teen drama

**kevin.killer:** huh

**melodie:** Holy Shit I never thought of it that way

**melodie:** Cheryl is Santana Lopez

**melodie:** But white

**melodie:** Which makes her like Santana Lopez lite

**brown.girl:** haHa I c what u did there that was funny

**cherylbombshell:** i take offense to that, i am not the lite version of ANYTHING, if anything i'm santana lopez 2.0

**melodie:** That's racist

**archiekins:** melody u can't just say that's racist when some1 says something u don't like

**melodie:** Bet?

**pussycat:** both of you, cool it.

**pussycat:** onto more important matters

**pussycat:** where's betty?

**kevin.killer:** oh no cheryl did you kill her?

**cherylbombshell:** what? no, you ghoul. we had a nice heart to heart talk and betty is going to talk to her mom about me staying with them for a little while

**veronica.lodge:** um, i thought you were staying with jug?

**cherylbombshell:** yeah,,, no offense jug but your trailer has one room, which means i'd either have to share a bed with you or crash on the couch, both things i am not down to do

**cherylbombshell:** plus betty has a guest room

**shithead:** No offense taken- tbh I was not looking forward to sharing a bathroom with the biggest primadonna in Riverdale

**veronica.lodge:** i didn't even think about that tbh

**veronica.lodge:** i wish u could just stay with me :(

**cherylbombshell:** probably not the best idea, we would never get anything done

**veronica.lodge:** au contraire, i think we would get a LOT done ;)

**pussycat:** AAAHHHHHHHH STOP

**melodie:** yeah ya'll, josie is lonely and when you sext in here it makes her horny too

**pussycat:** U KNOW WHAT BITCH

**pussycat:** ur fucking right

**pussycat:** i'm getting so desperate i may just try girls

**brown.girl:** I knew either you or Mel had to be a lesbian, there's no way ya'll could co-write Candy Girl without any sapphic tendencies

**pussycat:** i sAID try, nobody is munching carpet anytime soon

**kevin.killer:** while i applaud your willingness to explore your sexual fluidity... if you can't find a straight guy in riverdale you like,,,,, where the hell do you think you're going to find a queer girl? there's a total of three, if we count you, and the other two are in this chat

**pussycat:** i should just give up and buy cats now

**brown.girl:** Bitch UR allERGIC

**pussycat:** do NOT EXPOSE ME LIKE THAT VALERIE OPHELIA BROWN

**archiekins:** Ophelia?

**kevin.killer:** wait... Josie.... from "Josie & the pussyCATS" is allergic to CATS??? HA, THAT'S IRONIC AND PRICELESS

**betty.boop:** Hey Cheryl I talked to my mom

**cherylbombshell:** what did she say

**betty.boop:** well it took a lot of groveling, guilt-tripping, and maybe a little blackmail

**betty.boop:** but yes, you can stay with us

**veronica.lodge:** YAY :D

**veronica.lodge:** ngl im a little worried

**veronica.lodge:** my best friend and my girlfriend staying under the same roof,,, i can only imagine

**cherylbombshell:** what, ronnie, you think we're gonna talk shit?

**betty.boop:** Maybe we will, huh Cheryl?

**cherylbombshell:** i think that sounds nice betty

**veronica.lodge:** is that a threat or a promise?

**betty.boop:** This? Nooo, this is just fun girl talk.

-

**veronica.lodge to "SPOOKY SLUTS"**

**veronica.lodge:** kevin what time do you want us there

**kevin.killer:** u guys are helping me set up right?

**veronica.lodge:** yeah

**cherylbombshell:** babe do we have to

**kevin.killer:** YES

**kevin.killer:** show up at 6, i'm sure people won't start actually showing up until well past nine

**betty.boop:** Vee

**veronica.lodge:** yes, mi amor?

**cherylbombshell:** excuse u

**betty.boop:** I told my mom I'm sleeping over at yours, cover for me?

**cherylbombshell:** um

**cherylbombshell:** if ur not gonna be home where exactly am i staying

**melodie:** And where exactly are YOU staying

**shithead:** at mine

**archiekins:** WHAT

**veronica.lodge:** OK well, if betty's staying at jughead's, you can stay at mine cher

**pussycat:** should we appoint a DD?

**kevin.killer:** probably

**brown.girl:** Josie and Mel, ya'll can crash at mine, it's close enough to Kevin's that we can walk

**melodie:** yass, I miss Mama Brown

**veronica.lodge:** i can always just get smithers to drop you guys off

**shithead:** Oh yeah

**kevin.killer:** i forgot, veronica's boujee

**veronica.lodge:** ok well THIS boujee bitch will see you at 6

**veronica.lodge:** which really means like 6:30 bc i'm latina and my clock runs half an hour late

-

**veronica.lodge to kevin.killer**

**veronica.lodge:** kevin, cheryl and i are here, open the door

**kevin.killer:** veronica it's like 7:30!

**veronica.lodge:** yeah we got held up

**kevin.killer:** jesus christ u 2 are like rabbits

**kevin.killer:** i'm coming

-

**kevin.killer to "SPOOKY SLUTS"**

**kevin.killer:** um, where's betty?

**melodie:** IDK, last time I saw her she was kicking Reggie's ass at Just Dance

**melodie:** Why

**kevin.killer:** she needs to come get her mans

**kevin.killer:** indiana jones is dancing on my dining room table

**melodie:** I'll find her

-

**shithead to "SPOOKY SLUTS"**

**shithead:** Um

**shithead:** Does anyone know where my beanie went?

**shithead:** I had it last night and now it's gone

**kevin.killer:** yeah u left it here

**kevin.killer:** thank u all for leaving me to clean up the mess by myself, btw

**veronica.lodge:** sorry kev

**cherylbombshell:** not sorry kev

**shithead:** Okay, phew, I'll swing by and pick it up

**shithead:** Can't start my first day at Southside High without my token hat

**betty.boop:** Juggie,, are you sure you have to move?

**melodie:** Yeah, who will be the conscientious objector of Riverdale High now?

**shithead:** um, I think that job falls onto you, Melody

**veronica.lodge:** ngl i'm a little sad

**veronica.lodge:** who's going to match me in obscure literary references now

**shithead:** Guys I'm not dying

**shithead:** I'm literally going to a school 20 minutes away

**pussycat:** yeah, a school full of gangs and drugs where they literally have metal detectors at the door

**pussycat:** do u know how many murders occur on the southside per year?

**pussycat:** about 40% more than the national average

**pussycat:** just saying

**archiekins:** josie stop ur gonna freak betty out

**betty.boop:** Betty is freaked out

**brown.girl:** damn it Josie, why you gotta bring out those facts right now

**pussycat:** i gotta use the info i get from being the mayor's daughter for smth

**veronica.lodge:** betts u good?

**betty.boop:** No wtf

**veronica.lodge:** okay let's talk away from josie and melody who will no doubt make this a million times worse

**melodie:** Racist

-

**veronica.lodge to betty.boop**

**veronica.lodge:** what's up betty

**betty.boop:** Nothing I'm just worried

**veronica.lodge:** about jughead?

**betty.boop:** About the fact that Jughead may be joining a gang

**betty.boop:** I mean, I love him to death, don't get me wrong

**betty.boop:** But I'm not stupid, I know being in a gang is no joke. The fishbowl effect is real

**veronica.lodge:** so what, ur worried that he's going to move to a school 20 mins away and forget all about you?

**betty.boop:** Yes

**betty.boop:** Well no, not like that but

**betty.boop:** I'm worried he's going to get lost in the world of the Southside and leave me behind

**veronica.lodge:** ay, dios mio

**veronica.lodge:** betty you know i love you more than i love myself but

**veronica.lodge:** that is the single stupidest thing you have ever said

**betty.boop:** Thanks?

**veronica.lodge:** what i mean is

**veronica.lodge:** jughead is crazy about you, and that isn't going to change because he's moving schools

**veronica.lodge:** and i understand being worried about him, but jughead is smart. he isn't going to do some dumb crap that will put him in danger

**betty.boop:** I guess you're right :///

**veronica.lodge:** am i ever wrong?

-

**kevin.killer to "SPOOKY SLUTS"**

**kevin.killer:** so jughead

**kevin.killer:** how was your first day at southside high

**shithead:** Fine

**veronica.lodge:** um, no bitch

**veronica.lodge:** you've gotta give us more than that

**shithead:** There are a lot of metal detectors, security guards, and the classes are jokes

**shithead:** But I mean, it's a high school

**betty.boop:** did you make friends?

**archiekins:** yeah jug r u replacing us 

**shithead:** haha never

**shithead:** And just one friend, my peer mentor is pretty cool

**cherylbombshell:** oh yeah what's his name

**shithead:** Her name is Toni

**shithead:** She's a photographer and is pretty cool

**pussycat:** huh

**melodie:** *squints*

**betty.boop:** Is she a Serpent?

**shithead:** ....yeah

**shithead:** But don't worry, she's fine

**melodie:** *double squints*

**archiekins:** is she pretty?

**brown.girl:** Why the fuck do u want to know Archie

**shithead:** um

**shithead:** I... don't know?

**shithead:** Yes?

**cherylbombshell:** hujead shut up

**shithead:** I meant no not at all

**betty.boop:** Chill, it's fine

**betty.boop:** You should put her in the group chat

**veronica.lodge:** um betty what r u doing

**betty.boop:** Just trying to get to know Jughead's new friend

**kevin.killer:** pls don't go dark betty on us

**brown.girl:** Go who what now

**shithead:** you sure Betty?

**betty.boop:** Yes

**cherylbombshell:** well well, i'm in the mood for chaos

**shithead has added tonitopaz to the chat**

**tonitopaz:** Hello?

**shithead:** Hey Toni

**tonitopaz:** Jughead?

**shithead:** That's me and these are my friends

**tonitopaz:** Oh?

**tonitopaz:** Hello, Jughead's friends

**pussycat:** 1 question for you, serpent princess

**pussycat:** you single?

**tonitopaz:** Depends, who's asking?

**pussycat:** just curious, asking for a friend

**tonitopaz:** Is that friend Jughead?

**melodie:** Um okay slow your roll bitch he's taken

**tonitopaz:** Oh sorry is he your boyfriend

**betty.boop:** No he's mine

**shithead:** Toni, this is my girlfriend, Betty

**shithead:** Betty, this is Toni

**cherylbombshell:** haha this is awkwaaard

**veronica.lodge:** yeah babe i think we all got that, you don't need to say it out loud

**brown.girl:** I feel the need to grab popcorn, this is better than the Bachelorette

**melodie:** But anywhoreee, bughead is my ship so keep your serpent claws away from Betty's man js

**archiekins:** wow melody ur scary

**veronica.lodge:** also um, snakes don't have claws

**veronica.lodge:** that's kind of their whole thing, they slither

**tonitopaz:** Chill, nobody said I wanted her man

**tonitopaz:** Besides, I'm more into girls anyways

**kevin.killer:** aaand the total's up to four!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will most likely be the last, I think this little fic has run its course
> 
> Let me know if you want Josie with Reggie, Toni, or Melody please. If there's anything specific anyone wants to see happen speak now my friends or forever hold your peace.


	10. Chapter 10

**cherylbombshell to veronica.lodge**

**cherylbombshell:** so on a scale of one to clifford blossom how worried should i be about your dad

 **veronica.lodge:** maybe like an eight? i honestly don't know

 **veronica.lodge:** i've brought boys to meet him before, and 2 out of 3 times he's scared them off BUT

 **veronica.lodge:** i don't know if he'll act the same with a girl

 **cherylbombshell:** he does know about us right?

 **veronica.lodge:** i told him i was bringing someone i'm dating to dinner and that's it

 **cherylbombshell:** he does know you're bi right?

 **cherylbombshell:** because i CANNOT handle two coming out dinners in the span of a month

 **veronica.lodge:** yeah he knows

 **veronica.lodge:** he caught me with my tongue down Katy Green's throat halfway through eighth grade

 **cherylbombshell:** oh god

 **cherylbombshell:** i feel like i'm being tested but i DON'T KNOW WHAT FOR

 **veronica.lodge:** relax, babe

 **veronica.lodge:** maybe Old Veronica would have cared what he thought about you but now i realize he is an asshole soooo

 **veronica.lodge:** it doesn't matter how this goes really

 **cherylbombshell:** what if he hates me and prohibits you from seeing me ever again

 **veronica.lodge:** this isn't amish country

 **veronica.lodge:** my father doesn't get a say in who i date

 **cherylbombshell:** do you think this is too slutty for dinner?

 **cherylbombshell:** dress.jpg

 **veronica.lodge:** my mouth just went completely dry

 **cherylbombshell:** so that's a yes?

 **veronica.lodge:** that's an i'm coming over -- we'll figure out if it's too slutty together ;)

-

**betty.boop to "SPOOKY SLUTS"**

**betty.boop:** um guys

 **betty.boop:** GUYS

 **betty.boop:** why the fuck did you guys tell me to watch teeth

 **betty.boop:** it is absolutely NOT a romantic comedy involving a dentist and i hate all of you i hope you rot

 **pussycat:** *GASP* BETTY ANNE COOPER

 **melodie:** Is it bad that this is the meanest I've ever seen you?

 **brown.girl:** Girl if I was even a little gay I would be turned on

 **betty.boop:** THE TEETH IN HER VAGINA BIT OFF HER BROTHER'S PENIS

 **tonitopaz:** Okay, I was going to avoid joining this conversation because I know none of you but

 **tonitopaz:** What the fuck?

 **melodie:** We got Martha Stewart-in-the-making Betty Cooper to watch this trashy horror movie about a girl whose vagina has teeth by telling her it was a cute rom-com about a girl falling for her dentist

 **archiekins:** i wanna watch tht

 **kevin.killer:** OH I SAW THAT

 **kevin.killer:** it was pretty good to be honest

 **brown.girl:** I KNOW I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE COMPLAINING

 **kevin.killer:** my favorite part was at the end when she decided to use the teeth in her vagina to avenge justice against all the creepy men in the world

 **pussycat:** honestly betty, i'm a little offended that you didn't like it-- it really is  a feminist masterpiece

 **veronica.lodge:** you guys just texted me so much that my phone vibrated itself into cheryl's phone on the nightstand and then both our phones fell off

 **cherylbombshell:** i think they were trying to commit suicide

 **veronica.lodge:** probably because of this conversation we just stumbled into

 **veronica.lodge:** what is this about vagina teeth

 **melodie:** SCROLL UP

 **veronica.lodge:** oh lol

 **tonitopaz:** You guys are wild TBH

 **tonitopaz:** Was not expecting this from a bunch of northsiders

 **cherylbombshell:** this group is tame most of the time but sometimes they go dark

 **cherylbombshell:** just like betty when she's exploring her BDSM sexuality

 **archiekins:** say wat

 **betty.boop:** VERONICA YOU TOLD HER???

 **betty.boop:** I cannot believe you would do that to me

 **veronica.lodge:** betts i didn't tell her anything

 **veronica.lodge:** cheryl how do you know?

 **cherylbombshell:** chuck told me

 **cherylbombshell:** sorry i kind of thought it was common knowledge if chuck clayton knew about it

 **betty.boop:** Yeah well it's not

 **pussycat:** estoy muy confundido

 **veronica.lodge:** did you google translate that

 **pussycat:** yeah how'd i do

 **veronica.lodge:** not too bad

 **melodie:** Um guys, who the fuck cares-- Betty what is going on

 **veronica.lodge:** betts you don't have to tell them anything you don't want to, theyll live

 **betty.boop:** It's fine

 **betty.boop:** V and I lured Chuck to Ethel's hot tub after finding his gross book of conquests and I dressed up in a bad wig and chained him to the tub

 **melodie:** oh, that's it?

 **melodie:** Bih that boy deserved that and more

 **tonitopaz:** I feel like I'm missing a big chunk of the story here and am interpreting this whole thing all wrong

 **veronica.lodge:** i went on a date with chuck at the beginning of the year WHERE NOTHING HAPPENED but he told everyone i slept with him and slut shamed me so we got him suspended and thrown off the football team

 **cherylbombshell:** we were all very proud

 **tonitopaz:** Oh damn

 **tonitopaz:** That's justified tho, one time in the back of the Wyrm one of the older dudes wouldn't take my no for an answer, a bunch of other Serpent girls cut off his pinky

 **pussycat:** i don't know whether to be inspired or terrified

 **tonitopaz:** He needed to be taught a lesson

 **betty.boop:** Does this kind of stuff happen a lot?

 **tonitopaz:** Only when it's deserved

 **tonitopaz:** Why, you're worried about your Romeo?

 **tonitopaz:** Where is Jughead by the way?

 **betty.boop:** I just

 **betty.boop:** It sounds dangerous if you're cutting off people's fingers

 **shithead:** I heard my name?

 **veronica.lodge:** shithead where the fuck have you been

 **shithead:** I put this chat on mute the second you all started talking about vagina teeth

 **shithead:** I just don't have the time for that nonsense

 **tonitopaz:** Um why is it dangerous

 **tonitopaz:** It's pretty much the exact same thing you did and he deserved worse except it wasn't done by a rich white girl

 **tonitopaz:** Wonder why you consider it *dangerous*

 **pussycat:** this went 0 to 100 real quick

 **archiekins:** maybe we shuld take a breath

 **tonitopaz:** I'm just saying-- it was the same premise except I'm poor and black and from the Southside

 **shithead:** Toni you know that's not what she meant

 **veronica.lodge:** let's just stop here for a second guys

 **betty.boop:** No, she's right

 **betty.boop:** I'm sorry, I let my notions about the Southside and how worried I am for Jughead taint my judgement and it did come out a little bit discriminatory

 **tonitopaz:** It's alright

 **brown.girl:** Wow I was expecting way more of a fight from you

 **tonitopaz:** I was probably too harsh

 **topitopaz:** I immediately go to the dragging place with stuff like this because I don't trust white people

 **melodie:** Same

 **pussycat:** amen

 **veronica.lodge:** preach

 **brown.girl:** Me too bitch you ain't special

 **betty.boop:** Well either way, I'm sorry

 **tonitopaz:** Why is it that I can /imagine/ you flashing those giant green eyes apologetically?

 **tonitopaz:** I think Jughead talks about you too much I'm getting false memories

 **tonitopaz:** Apology accepted

**melodie:**

┏┓  
┃┃╱╲ in  
┃╱╱╲╲ this  
╱╱╭╮╲╲house  
▔▏┗┛▕▔ we  
╱▔▔▔▔▔▔╲  
protect black lives  
at all costs  
╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲  
▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔

 **pussycat:** melody why would you put that right now they're having a moment

 **melodie:** The mood was getting too serious and I was uncomfortable

-

**pussycat to brown.girl, melodie, veronica.lodge, toni.topaz**

**melodie has named the chat "BET but worse"**

**pussycat:** hello toni welcome to our exclusive chat

 **pussycat:** before this it was just a pussycat chat but we voted to include you after your dragging of betty

 **tonitopaz:** Um, hi?

 **melodie:** OK Josie tht was a terrible explanation

 **melodie:** This is basically just like the other chat but we exclude white people

 **brown.girl:** We use it to make white people jokes

 **pussycat:** and when we're tired of caucasian nonsense

 **tonitopaz:** LOL THAT'S DOPE

 **melodie:** It's basically like,,,, BET but it's not television and we're not that entertaining

 **brown.girl:** Also Veronica is here so the B also does not apply

 **veronica.lodge:** what is bet

 **melodie:** Black Entertainment Television

 **veronica.lodge:** LOL

 **tonitopaz:** Wow, I've known you guys for like a day and I'm already in the inner circle??  Bless

 **veronica.lodge:** it's cause josie wants to eat u out

 **veronica.lodge:** i mean what

 **pussycat:** I DO NOT

 **pussycat:** i will throw you out of the chat veronica guadalupe lodge

 **brown.girl:** Shit you brought out the middle name

 **melodie:** OK but,,,, technically if Veronica was not in this chat,,,, the B in BET would apply

 **veronica.lodge:** WAIT NO

 **veronica.lodge:** i am the only latina in this godforsaken town you cannot leave me to fend for myself

 **tonitopaz:** You and Fangs should meet

 **veronica.lodge:** no offense toni,,, ur great,,, but i don't think i'm ready to start associating with someone that goes by fangs

 **tonitopaz:** Fair Enough

 **tonitopaz:** also,,, Lodge??

 **veronica.lodge:** yeah?

 **tonitopaz:** OH NO SHIT GIRL

 **tonitopaz:** Your dad is no joke

 **veronica.lodge:** he is certainly... something

 **tonitopaz:** I met him when he was still trying to deal in gentrification for the Southside

 **tonitopaz:** I mean I hate him to my core and he goes against everything I stand for but

 **tonitopaz:** He is so hot I would ride him like a motorcycle

 **veronica.lodge:** TONI

 **veronica.lodge:** k,,, i'm just going to go,, wash my eyes out with bleach

 **veronica.lodge:** and then drink the bleach

 **melodie:** oh shit, Mr. Lodge is a DILF?

 **brown.girl:** Pics or it didn't happen

 **tonitopaz:** If you bitches think I didn't save pictures of that fine ass man you are wrong

 **tonitopaz:** daddylodge.jpg

 **melodie:** Oh wow

 **melodie:** My pussy is SCREAMING

 **veronica.lodge:** GUYS STOP OH MY GOD

 **pussycat:** cheryl is so lucky she gets to meet him

 **brown.girl:** Veronica ur lucky she's a lesbian or else she might leave u for ur dad

 **pussycat:** ugh and it's WASTED too cause cheryl won't even enjoy it

 **veronica.lodge:** you are all getting directly named in my suicide note i hope you know that

-

**cherylbombshell to kevin.killer**

**cherylbombshell:** kevin i need your help

 **kevin.killer:** yes you should definitely ask veronica to prom

 **cherylbombshell:** what that's not what i need help with

 **kevin.killer:** oh no?

 **kevin.killer:** maybe you should

 **cherylbombshell:** table it, kevin, this is way more important

 **cherylbombshell:** you see, parents love you

 **kevin.killer:** that they do

 **cherylbombshell:** and they hate me

 **kevin.killer:** yes, they do, inevitably, because you're a Bitch^TM

 **cherylbombshell:** okay rude first of all

 **kevin.killer:** what i said it with love

 **cherylbombshell:** whatever

 **cherylbombshell:** i need help, i'm meeting veronica's dad tonight and i just want him to like me

 **kevin.killer:** okay, so we need to do a complete 180 on your personality

 **kevin.killer:** before tonight

 **kevin.killer:** it will be difficult but not impossible

 **cherylbombshell:** maybe i should've gone to betty

 **cherylbombshell:** she's much nicer than you

 **kevin.killer:** look, cheryl, i think ur great BUT there are certain... aspects of your personality... that parents might not be too keen towards

 **cherylbombshell:** fine

 **kevin.killer:** let's start with your wardrobe

 **cherylbombshell:** if you think you're going to dress me up like ellen degeneres you're wrong

 **kevin.killer:** first of all, i resent the fact that you think i don't know you're not that flavor of lesbian. second of all, i was just going to suggest... not wearing red tonight?

 **cherylbombshell:** but

 **cherylbombshell:** red is my signature color

 **kevin.killer:** it's too sexy for dinner with the parents. i remember veronica telling me that nothing irks mexican dads more than knowing their daughter is being defiled

 **cherylbombshell:** so what, you want me to dress like virgin-esque betty cooper?

 **kevin.killer:** just wear something more muted, like a soft yellow or blue... but NO WHITE,, everytime you wear white something bad happens

 **kevin.killer:** and put your hair up

 **kevin.killer:** and for the love of god,,, PLEASE refrain from staring at veronica's ass during this dinner

 **cherylbombshell:** what??? i do not

 **kevin.killer:** your eyes are literally glued to her ass 24/7 when your hand isn't

 **cherylbombshell:** not the proper use of the word literally but,,,, noted

-

**pussycat to melodie, brown.girl**

**pussycat:** okay so you guys know that you're like my sisters right

 **brown.girl:** What do you mean "like"

 **melodie:** Are you dying?

 **melodie:** Oh my god you're dying aren't you

 **pussycat:** what no

 **pussycat:** toni asked me out

 **brown.girl:** Oh shit bitch, you go girl

 **melodie:** Uh, congrats babes I'm happy for you but

 **melodie:** What does this have to do with us?

 **pussycat:** my date is in about an hour and i'm spiraling i don't know what to wear and my hair is a mess

 **brown.girl:** Alright we're coming

 **melodie:** I'm interrupting my Brooklyn Nine-Nine marathon to come help you, you're welcome bitch

 **pussycat:** i love you both to death

 **melodie:** yeah yeah you know we love you too

 **brown.girl:** what she said

-

**veronica.lodge to betty.boop**

**veronica.lodge:** betty oh my gooooooooooooooooooooood

 **betty.boop:** Oh no, that's a lot of extra unnecessary O's

 **betty.boop:** What's up

 **veronica.lodge:** i am terrified

 **veronica.lodge:** i told my dad i was dating "the blossom daughter" and he went

 **veronica.lodge:** "hmm, i didn't expect that from you mija, nothing good ever came out of that family"

 **betty.boop:** Well your dad sounds... wonderful

 **veronica.lodge:** AND NOW CHERYL IS ON HER WAY AND MY DAD IS PROBABLY GOING TO BE AN ASSHOLE AND MY MOM IS PROBABLY GOING TO STAND BACK AND DO NOTHING AND AAAHHHH

 **betty.boop:** Ronnie, breathe

 **betty.boop:** Cheryl is a big girl, she's going to be fine

 **veronica.lodge:** if my dad says anything out of line to her i swear

 **betty.boop:** Don't fight your dad, babes

 **veronica.lodge:** oh god she's here wish me luck

 **betty.boop:** GOOD LUCK <3

 **veronica.lodge:** she wore yellow oh my god she looks so pretty,,, like a sunflower

 **betty.boop:** Yes V I know, she lives with me, remember?

 **betty.boop:** I'm glad you like it though, bc the dress is mine

 **betty.boop:** That girl's closet is like, exclusively red and black it's kind of insane

 **veronica.lodge:** im 90 percent sure i saw her wince when my dad shook her hand

 **veronica.lodge:** i think i'm going to pee in my pants

 **betty.boop:** YOU'LL BE FINE

 **betty.boop:** Now get off your phone and take care of your woman

 **veronica.lodge:** ok ok ur right i'll text you when it's over

 **veronica.lodge:** it's over

 **betty.boop:** How was it?

 **veronica.lodge:** it was decidedly, Not a Disaster

 **veronica.lodge:** she did good

 **betty.boop:** How was your dad

 **veronica.lodge:** strangely,,, i think he kind of likes her

 **veronica.lodge:** or just likes the idea that i'm not dating a boy because he thinks that no boy is good enough for me and they will all break my heart or defile me

 **veronica.lodge:** but either way i'll take it

 **betty.boop:** You know what they say, Take Your Parental Approval at Any Cost

 **veronica.lodge:** betty i love you to the moon and back but nobody says that and if you utter something like that again to me i will never forgive you

-

**melodie to "SPOOKY SLUTS"**

**melodie:** So Val and I just sent a stunning-looking Josie off to her date with Toni at Pop's

 **cherylbombshell:** UM WHAT

 **brown.girl:** Yeah bitches,,, Josie is finally getting some

 **melodie:** We probably shouldn't be telling you guys anything but we don't care

 **archiekins:** josie and toni are dating?

 **archiekins:** i thought josie was straight

 **veronica.lodge:** OH MY GOD ARCHIE

 **veronica.lodge:** remember what i taught you at pop's???

 **archiekins:** OH right right sorry

 **betty.boop:** What did you teach him?

 **veronica.lodge:** if the conversation recieves no valuable insight from his comment or question just be quiet

 **shithead:** Damn,,, I wish I would have told Archie that years ago

 **betty.boop:** Would have saved me a lot of internal eye-rolls

 **shithead:** And me a lot of external ones

 **kevin.killer:** anyway,,, josie and toni are on a date?? i feel like such a proud papa

 **archiekins:** why do i feel like we've been here before

 **betty.boop** : because we 100% have, with Cheryl and Veronica

 **cheryl.bombshell:** babe you talked about me?

 **veronica.lodge** : maybe a little

 **shithead:** A lot

 **archiekins:** it was kind of embarassing, sorry ronnie

 **cherylbombshell:** well in that case

 **cherylbombshell:** let's go see josie find the love of her life

 **veronica.lodge:** cheryl blossom,,, are you saying that i'm the love of your life?

 **cherylbombshell:** i am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well it's been a ride-- here is the last chapter of this not-so-little chatfic to usher in the new year. i appreciate every read, kudos, and comment i have received. as always, it is your support that makes me continue to put out my work even though sometimes it sucks. 
> 
> until next time,  
> xio


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